Here are a couple of quick Parenting / Adoption questions for all of you parents out there.
How can we help children to be more aware of their surroundings? How can we help them to "see" what is right in front of them or next to them, when they are focused on something else?
Our new children seem to struggle in this area more than our other children. Two examples from yesterday ...
#1 Child in hallway knocks large family picture off of the wall (and the frame breaks). We have a wall FULL of family photos, they have been there for 6 years, and it is VERY rare that one would fall off of the wall. Child looks at broken picture on floor and walks away. Sees no problem with what has just happened.
#2 Child is helping Papa with painting project. Child steps right into paint tray on ground. Papa has had children helping him with painting business for past 10 years ... no child has ever stepped into a paint tray.
#3 Child runs into street to get a ball ... completely oblivious to the fact that there are cars driving down the street. Yes ... scary!
How can we help our children to understand the concepts of distance and time?
Again, something our other children have not struggled with. Examples ...
#1 The children seem to have absolutely no concept of how far away Africa is. To them, a 12 hour plane ride from Accra to New York is the same distance as a 10 hour drive to sister Cassie's house. Africa ... Oregon ... same distance. And, yes, we have shown them maps and globes.
#2 While the children can tell time on a clock, they have absolutely no understanding of the concept of how long something might be. One hour or 8 hours are just words ... not an understanding of actual time.
#3 While the children can talk about days, weeks, months, years ... the conceptual understanding is not there. We can look at a calendar and see that Christmas is 3 months away. For our other young children, 3 months is an eternity. However, when Sarah started reading a big book and Papa said, "Why don't you see if you can finish that book by Christmas?", reading the book became her entire focus. Yesterday, I couldn't understand why she wouldn't put the book down. She wouldn't go out side to play with her siblings, she wouldn't play games with her siblings, etc... Then, last night, Hosanna told me about the Christmas goal set by Papa. Oh dear ... My other children would have probably forgotten all about reading the book until the Christmas tree got put up and then they would have raced to complete the reading of the book.
Now ... I am NOT at all complaining. I KNOW that it will take time to help them to understand these concepts. These are things that our other children naturally picked up on during their preschool years ... just part of our daily life training. So, I am just wondering how to teach these types of concepts to older children who did not come by them naturally, while living in their little village in Northern Ghana. (They didn't have walls to put pictures on. They didn't have streets to run into. They didn't have paint trays to step on. They didn't have big books to read before Christmas.)
The difficult thing is that while I definitely need to protect them (in the case of running into the street), I can't turn back the clock and train them up like I have my other preschoolers. I can't take a 12 year old and spend 6 years teaching him the things I have taught my other kids from ages 0-6. Make sense?
I KNOW that they have learned soooo... much since arriving in America just 6 months ago. But ... I just thought I'd ask for any help and/or suggestions that you, my faithful readers, might have. THANKS for helping us on this new path of our parenting journey.
Welcome to Our Journey of Faith. My blog is a place where I share the joys and trials of living a faith-filled life as the mother of an extra large (12 children) homeschooling family, and my prayer is that it brings encouragement to others to live their lives as an adventure of faith, as well.
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The concept of time in Africa (and most other nations, except in Western Europe) is very fluid. There is an East African saying “hurry, hurry has no blessings”. Americans and Western Europeans when working or visiting Africa or Asia get upset that things do not get done at the appointed time. Their hosts on the other hand do not really see what the big deal is and view Americans and Western Europeans as being extremely impatient! There is another saying, “Americans have many watches but no time, while Africans have very few watches, but a lot of time”. I think in general Americans like things being regimented and with strict timelines—they want things done right now. Most of the rest of the world is more focused on building relationships than doing things at a specific time.
ReplyDeleteI think the thing that might help you help your children with getting an American concept of time is reversing the role in your mind and imagining that you are living in Africa and no-one is ever on time for an appointment, never apologizing for being late--because this is just culturally accepted and where no one ever has a sense of urgency (be it in a bank, government office or airport). It is very frustrating for Americans to live and or work in such an environment. On the reverse, I can only imagine that the children must feel out of sorts having to completely change their concept of time. I am not sure what the solution is, but I think if you can walk in their shoes by reversing the roles, and figure out the things you would do to make the transition easier for yourself while living in Africa, then those solutions might translate to the children as well. I am not sure if it has anything to do with lacking a concept of time for the child trying to finish reading the book before Christmas, but it may simply be a child obeying dad!
Thanks for the thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI am very aware about the concept of time in Africa (or lack thereof). We spent 6 weeks in Ghana when we brought the children home, since no one seemed to have any urgency about completing our paperwork. :)
Our family is actually very "unscheduled" since we are homeschoolers and don't have places to be every day. So, they don't have the daily rush to get out of the house, or anything. We are much more focused on relationships, than doing things at a specific time.
However ... since the children are 7, 9, and 12, I think it would be beneficial for them to understand the American perspective of time, since this is where they live.
Please keep those suggestions coming ...
I hope I did not leave the impression that the children should not get an American perspective of time! Far from it! I was only trying to see things from the children's perspective as you are trying to help them make the transition to an American concept of time! I gues I was reaching for the things that would help one do the reverse. I guess I got rather long winded when trying to explain the differences in the concept of time in Africa-after being there for 6 weeks, you know it first hand!
ReplyDeleteI think that with time as the children have more experiences in an American culture, they will have more reference points in terms of time. Most the children I know who have immigrated here from Africa in their tweens and teens seem to get the American time concept with time. I think they learn the consequences of not keeping time in America--church, parties, games, movies etc start on time and their American friends don't wait endlessly for them to show up!
Hi, Laurel,
ReplyDeleteI am still stuck in "Africa time" in Ghana right now waiting for paperwork! I am interested to hear if others have ideas. My daughter tattles on her little brother when he is "rushing". Today I finally did say to her that "rushing" is not a sin and sometimes I even appreciate "rushing". Totally different perspectives on time!
Kristin