Life ... Time ... Friends ... Ministry ...

Lately ...

Life seems to be speeding along, out of control ...
(with LOTS of traveling every weekend).

At the same time, life often seems to be "on hold" ...
(with nothing on my calendar Monday-Friday).



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I ran into an old friend, who said,

"I've wanted to stop by, but know you are so busy."

I responded,

"Busy? I am so NOT busy. I have NOTHING on my calendar.
I can go days or weeks without an adult conversation, seriously, (besides Papa and my young adult children)."


I haven't put anything on my calendar in 6 weeks.
I seem to have "No Life" and very few friends, since I lost my job.



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No one can imagine how lonely I might be ...
when completely surrounded by people all day every day.
I LOVE my children, and treasure this time with them.
But, I MISS all of my "friends" from work/school.



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Which leads me to my most often ponderings ...

... what is a friend?
... how can you lose all of your friends,
just by losing your job?
... do I even have the energy to try to find new friends
(for myself or my children)?
... can our family survive without any friends in our daily lives?
(we have GREAT friends that live 150+ miles away)



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I want to be "DOING" BIG things ... writing & speaking
Yet, I seem to be busy "doing" little things ...
driving, school work, driving, school work,
(oh yes, and cooking, cleaning, cooking, cleaning)


I want to do ALL that God has called me to.
I don't want to waste any of the days He has given me.
I want to use His time wisely.


About 6 weeks ago I wrote a post on TIME ...
Now, I wonder if I am using this time for His best.



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I talked to my Daddy today ...

... he asked about my speaking and writing.
... "No ... I haven't done much yet."
(Does that mean I am wasting my time?)

... he asked what I'd been busy with.
... "cross-country and homeschooling"
(my life seems so busy, but I can't really explain with what)



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When I was working full-time, I was also homeschooling and I was actively involved as a baseball mom, track mom, cross-country mom. Now that I'm not "working", it seems that I should be accomplishing so much more.

However ... I hardly take into account that I did add 3 African children to the mix this year. And, they take a LOT of homeschooling and parenting time. (I'm NOT complaining ... just trying to remind myself.) Not to mention the 4 other children that I am also homeschooling and mothering.

Was I expecting too much of myself?
Or, am I not expecting enough of myself?


I "expected" to be in full swing with my Journey of Faith ministry ...

... I expected to have all of my messages re-recorded.
... I expected to have new brochures and business cards.
... I expected to have magazine articles sent off.
... I expected to have speaking engagements lined up.

... I feel like I haven't done all that God has called me to,
when people ask about the ministry, and I have to say,
"I haven't done much yet."


Where is the balance to be found?

How often should I lock myself in my office
to "work" on my ministry?

How often should I lock my office door
to "work" on my mothering?


I am a late-night person.
I enjoy my quiet house after midnight.
I get a lot of "work" done at 2:00 a.m.
Yet ... I need my sleep in order to stay healthy.
And ... my children need a bright-eyed mommy.



So ... I am processing and praying ...

"Lord, may Your will be done in my life. Not my will, but Yours. May You receive ALL the glory ... whether from my ministry or my mothering (or both). Give me wisdom ... give me balance ... and let Your light shine through my stained-glass windows. Whether the world looks through those windows, or just my children, please oh Lord ... let Your light shine."