Mother's Day ... a New Perspective

My family has celebrated Mother's Day for me for 24 years. Some years brought beautiful gifts ... others years were celebrated with homemade preschool cards. Some years the family took me out to dinner at a nice restaurant ... other years we stayed home, and they cooked and baked for me. Some years we went on adventures to a park, a beach, or the zoo ... other years we stayed home and played games. The constant has been ... my children have always known that their Mama loved them ... and Mama has always known that her children love her. No matter what type of cards are received ... no matter what type of gifts are purchased ... no matter what type of food is made ... the question of a mother/child love has never arisen. As soon as my children have been able to speak in semi-complete sentences ... they have been able to say, "I wuv u mummy ... happy mudder's day."

This year, however, I have seen Mother's Day through 3 new sets of eyes. I have seen Mother's Day through the eyes of the orphan ... through the voices (though they are 6, 9, and 12 years old) that are just learning to say, "I love you Mom." The children who are just learning about the American version of mother/child love.

I have thought much this week, about the mother of Jacob, Sarah, and Rachel. All I know of her, is that she gave birth to 6 children (3 girls and 3 boys) ... she got sick with a stomach tumor ... she died on July 4, 2006. We have no pictures; so there is no reference point as to what this woman was like. Since Peter is 28 years old, I would expect that their mother may have been about my age ... interesting to ponder the similarities. She and I lived across the world from each other, never expecting our paths to cross into each other's cultures. During the same time she was raising 6 children (born over the course of 22 years) ... I was raising 10 children (born over the course of 18 years). Our 3 youngest children were each born within a year of each other. (coincidence?) Who, but the Lord, could have orchestrated such a miracle, as to bring our children together?

I wonder ... what was their relationship like with their mother? did they know their mother's love? did she tell them she loved them? did they say, "I love you Mom." to her ... was she ever able to fully care for these youngest three? Jacob had 10 years with his mother ... but instead of living the carefree life of a child, he became his sisters' primary caretaker. Sarah only had 3 years with her mother, as she went to live with her older sister (across the country) after Rachel was born. Rachel only had 4 years with her mother ... so young to watch her mother die. I don't even know if the girls have any memory of the woman that gave them birth. Jacob has many memories ... filled with the pain of being his mother's caretaker through her illness.

Now ... many miles away from the village where they had to say good-bye their mother ... they are learning that the Lord has given them a 2nd chance to have a "Mom" ... a 2nd chance to say, "I love you, Mom." ... a 2nd chance to celebrate Mother's Day. (I don't actually know if they had ever heard of the holiday before this year.)

While my children have always made Mother's Day cards for me, which have said many versions of, "I love you Mom.", the cards I received this week brought a new dimension to the mother/child love equation. These cards said more than, "I love you." Each of the children took the time to really spell out WHY they love their new Mama. Here are a few excerpts ...

To Mom.

I love being with you because you love me!
I love you because you make me happy.

Love Rachel



And a fill-in card from Rachel ...

My mom is as sweet as ... a butterfly.
My mom is as beautiful as ... a flower.
I love my mom because ... she loves me.


Happy Mother's Day!

Mom I love you. I hope you will like this thing I am giving to you. May God bless you. Thank you for all the good things you have done.

Love Sarah D.


Hi mom. Happy Mother Day.

I love you. You are the best mother in this house. I hope God be with you and God like you because you treat us like the way God want you to treat us. God love you very very much because of that. Do you know that I like the way you treat me?

I am sorry that I can't buy something nice for you. When I grow up I will buy something nice for you.

Do you know that when you walk, God is with you?

Jacob loves Mom.
Mom loves Jacob.


Twenty-five years ago, I was told that I needed to have a hysterectomy ... I was told that I would never bear children ... I wondered if I would ever be able to celebrate Mother's Day.

Oh what miracles the Lord has done! How good and how faithful He is, to give us the desires of our heart.

I Have Been Pampered ...

Pamper: To gratify to the full; to furnish with that which delights; to feed luxuriously; as "to pamper the body or appetite"


This week I have been fully pampered ... my heart has been gratified to the full ... my body has been taken care of luxuriously ... my appetite has been fed luxuriously ... my home has been furnished with that which delights ...


Tuesday ...

Two close friends of mine had been discussing pedicures with me recently, and one friend was quite surprised that the other two of us had never been pampered with a pedicure. So, last week, this friend suggested a late lunch date and afternoon pedicure for the 3 of us. Sounded good to me. But, what do you do with all of the children (total of 14 kids under 15 years old ... 4 of them being 6 year olds.) when 3 homeschool moms want a mid-week "girlfriend time"? You pass them all off to my amazing 21 year old son for an hour, who then is joined by my amazing husband. Not only do these amazing men "watch" the 14 children; but they load them all into the 15 pass. van and take them to the local dairy for ice cream cones.



So, in only a few short hours, my body was "taken care of luxuriously" (pedicure), my appetite was "fed luxuriously" (lunch at the Olive Garden, my favorite restaurant), and my heart was "gratified to the full" (by friendship fun ... and by my amazing husband and son).

I came home relaxed, thankful, feeling blessed, and ... totally not expecting a BIG surprise. Come to find out ... it was NOT my girlfriends that planned this amazing afternoon; it was my husband (who had overheard our silly pedicure conversation). He arranged the lunch date and pedicure, in order to get me out of the house. Because ... he had workers come in to pamper my house for Mother's Day. After 6 years of being frustrated with an unusable kitchen counter space (due to an ugly and awkward 1970's JenAir grill), I had finally come up with a solution (other than the very expensive solution of replacing all counter tops). I had suggested to my husband that maybe we could replace that one counter top with a Butcher Block counter, since it was right next to the stove, and the perfect place for cutting and chopping. So, for Mother's Day, my kitchen was "furnished with that which delights".



Well, that day alone would have filled my tank for a looong time ... but the week wasn't over yet ...

Saturday ...

The dear 21 year old son watched the 8 younger siblings for several hours in the morning, and then passed them off to amazing husband ... so that I could go to a "12 Hour Scrapbooking Extravaganza" ... from 7 a.m. - 7 p.m. (I actually got there at 8:00, and had to leave at 6:00, to get home in time for church.) I had 10 full hours of scrapbooking (pampers my heart) ... girlfriend time (big time heart pampering) ... and good food (more appetite pampering).




(Does anyone have any tips on photographing scrapbook pages?)


After church, my 2 precious pedicure friends and their wonderful families came for dessert (my amazing husband and children had not only arranged the dessert date and cleaned house, but had baked a yummy dessert while I was gone). So, our 15 children played and we visited until 11:00 p.m. (more heart pampering).

Sunday ...

A wake up call from my dear son, Gregg, in Georgia ... the first time I had talked to him since he RETURNED FROM IRAQ. YEA!!! Definitely a Mother's Day gift ... to hear the voice of her favorite soldier, and to know he is out of the dangerous war zone.

Breakfast ... planned and prepared (helped Papa) by precious Sarah.

Afternoon phone calls from ...

Jeremiah in Arkansas (yes, the same 21 y.o. that helped with the kids yesterday morning). He caught the midnight flight to Arkansas to help a friend drive home from college (Arkansas to NW Washington ... via Fresno, CA ... in 4 days ... Yikes!) Before leaving for the plane last night, he left an amazing gift on my bed ... a Digital Photo Frame with MP3 player. Wow!

Cassie in Oregon ... telling me she HAD bought my Mother's Day present before today; but that rather than mailing it she would bring it to me next weekend, when she is coming home for 5 days.

Then ... cards and letters from Elijah, Rachel, Josiah, and Jacob ... a necklace from Hosanna ... a dozen roses from Ben ... flowers and a Woods Coffee gift card from Lindsey ...




And ... a late night dinner at Black Angus with my dear husband, after getting all of the young ones ready for bed ... more heart and appetite pampering.


My tank is FULL ... my life is BLESSED ... my heart, mind, soul, and body have been PAMPERED beyond measure this week.

Thank you LORD for my amazing, wonderful, romantic husband ... who would have guessed, 25 years ago, what YOU had in store for us!!!

Thank you LORD for blessing me with 13 beautiful treasures ... to train up for service to YOU!

Thank you LORD for these 2 precious friends and their families ... priceless gifts, more valuable than gold or silver!

Interesting Blogs

Since writing my post last week, about Appreciation vs. Entitlement, I have found that others are processing the same issues.

"Crazy Dad" wrote a post yesterday about "A Grateful Orphan". You might be interested to read it at: http://welovebigfamilies.blogspot.com

Gina wrote "Expectations" on May 1st (with a link to my post). You can find her ponderings at: http://enoughellerbees.blogspot.com

The blogging world has become an unexpected and much appreciated source of support in our Adoption Adventure.

Thanks ... all of you blogging friends.

Wait Until Monday

In the past month, we have started all of the American medical appts. for the children. They have all begun their immunization series, and tomorrow I will be making their appts. with the dentist and the optometrist.

Another step that we knew we needed to do, but had been too busy to even think about starting the process, is the Stool Sample lab work. Not only is this a little awkward for children this age (as we don't ordinarily watch them use the toilet), but it has to be accomplished at the right time to get the samples to the lab within a designated timeline.

On Wednesday, we explained to the kids what needed to be done. They immediately began laughing and said that they had had to do that while in Accra because they were told, "You can't go to America until you do this." Good ... at least it was something they were familiar with. Then, we told them to tell us when they needed to "go", so that we could cover the toilet with saran wrap, to collect the sample. (Sorry for the graphic description.)

Thursday came and went ... Friday came ... no one mentioned the "poop test". Then, on Friday evening, Sarah came to me and said, "I need to go poop." "Okay ???" (The purpose of the announcement slipped my mind for a minute.) Then ... I turned to Jim ... oh no, is the lab open on Saturday? ... what if it isn't open in the morning? ... my look conveyed, "I don't really want to go through this process and miss the critical timeline." So, I turned to Sarah and said, "I think we'd better wait until Monday."

A look of horror crossed her face, as she said, "Wait until Monday?" Oh my ... "No, Sarah. You don't have to wait until Monday to use the toilet. We will just wait until Monday to collect your poop for the lab." "Okay." she says with a big grin, as she hurries quickly to the bathroom.

This afternoon, Jacob tells Jim, "Dad, I need to "go"." We look at each other. It's 1:00 on Sunday afternoon. The lab said the samples are good for 24 hours. Okay ... let's get this process started. A few hours later, Sarah accomplished the task. And, this evening, Rachel came through for us too. So ... we now have 6 cute little vials of "poop" on top of the refrigerator, awaiting the opening of the lab tomorrow morning.

I can't imagine all that was going through Sarah's mind, when she actually thought that she must wait 3 days to go to the bathroom. Too funny!

Praising Jesus!

Our big boy is out of Iraq! Yea!

The phone rang last night, at midnight. I turned to Jeremiah and said, "I bet it's Gregg." Yes ... Gregg was calling to tell me he made it safely out of Iraq. He is relaxing in Kuwait. He is done with the army. He has put in his time. He is coming home. We are REJOICING!!!

Gregg left home in February 2004 ... headed for boot camp in Georgia.

Papa and Mama flew to Georgia for graduation in May, and got to spend a couple of days with Gregg.

He came home for 2 weeks in December 2004.

He left for his first tour of Iraq in January 2005. He lost his Lt. on their 4th day in Iraq. He lost 2 more friends in June 2005, watching them burn in the street in front of him (as their humvee had been hit by an I.E.D.). Gregg was the gunner on the humvee directly behind the one that was hit.

Gregg was flown home for 3 weeks in August 2005, as his baby brother lay fighting for his life, at Children's Hospital in Seattle. (It was great to see Gregg, but certainly not a family vacation.) He returned to Iraq just 3 days after Elijah was released from the hospital.

Gregg finished out his first tour as a humvee driver. He completed his first tour in January 2006, and returned to Georgia.

Papa and Mama flew to Georgia and spent 5 days with Gregg.

He flew home for 2 weeks in February 2006.

The whole family took a cross-country road trip in August 2006, and drove all the way to Georgia to spend 2 days with Gregg.

In December 2006, we all flew to New Orleans, and Gregg joined us for a 2 week missions trip.

In February 2007, Gregg flew home for a couple of days, just before his 2nd deployment to Iraq. This time, he was heading to Baghdad as a sniper.

Gregg flew home in August 2007, to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary, but had to return to Iraq 10 days later.

Now ... we are preparing for his homecoming. It's been a loooong 4 years. Gregg has been home for only 9 weeks of the past 4+ years; and 3 of those weeks were spent traveling back and forth between the hospital. Oh how we have missed Gregg! Oh how excited we will be to have him home! (Elijah asks, almost daily, "Can I sleep with Gregg when he gets home?")

It will still be a month or so before Gregg is actually home (as he has to take debriefing classes in Kuwait, and complete paperwork in Georgia) ... but he is out ... he is done ... he is safe ... We would love to fly to Georgia for Gregg's homecoming, but after taking extended leave for our African adventure, Jim and I can't ask our employer for more days off. Sad!

What next ... you may be asking. For right now, we have suggested that he just come live at home for the summer ... to relax ... to rest ... to play ... to return to the fellowship of our church ... At first, he was quite hesitant about returning to actually LIVE at home ("um ... mom ... you just added 3 more kids to the house ..."). But, when I explained that he could actually have his very own bedroom (since Carissa is in Argentina), he jumped at the chance.

Gregg is coming home ... we are preparing a room for him ... he is shipping boxes and boxes of his stuff home (yesterday, I thought the mailman was going to collapse as he carried the big, heavy box up to the front porch) ... he is buying new toys to play with when he gets home (a paintball gun that will "dominate" his little brothers and their guns) ... he is looking forward to meeting his new brother and sisters ... he is looking forward to painting houses with Papa ... he is looking forward to taking road trips with friends ... and, while he hasn't said so, he might be looking forward to some of Mama's home cooking (chicken alfredo lasagne, fresh homemade bread, apple pie .... we will be preparing a Welcome Home Feast ...)

Thank you JESUS ... for taking care of our eldest son these past 4+ years ...

Rachel's Smile

For 8 months, we waited to meet our Ghanaian children.

For 8 months, we received pictures ... and we tried hard to see into their hearts through their smiles ... and through their eyes.

Jacob's smile was expressive and his eyes bright.

Sarah's smile was sweet and her eyes warm.

Rachel's smile was ... hardly every seen, and her eyes ... filled with fear.

In a short video clip from last summer, that we watched over and over, we saw a very short glimpse of a carefree child with a smile. However ... the majority of pictures that we saw of Rachel (over the course of 8 months) only showed fear.

On the day that we picked the children up from the orphanage, we were told of some of the tough stuff that Rachel had encountered in the past couple of years. We were also told that the orphanage workers were most worried about Rachel ... worried that it would be difficult for her to open up ... worried that it would take a lot of time for her to respond to our love ... worried that with so many children in the home, Mama might not have enough time to show the love that this little girl needed. We listened closely to the concerns, but they did not diminish at all the love that the Lord had already given us for this precious one, and the knowledge that the Lord had chosen our family to bring this little one through the tough stuff ... it would be our privilege to watch her open up and bloom into the beautiful little girl that God had created.

During our time in Ghana, we again saw very short glimpses into the beautiful smile ... and heard occasional laughter from her ... but the majority of our pictures from our 6 weeks in Ghana, still are void of a smile on Rachel. So much so, that friends looking at my scrapbook comment on the lack of a smile.

However ... now, after being home for 6 weeks, this little one has begun to bloom and blossom. She loves to jump onto my bed in the morning to "snuggle" before I get up. ("Snuggle" was a new word for Rachel to learn.) She loves to hide from me and giggle. She loves to sneak behind my computer chair and crawl under my desk while I am working. She loves to play "Monkey Baby", where I bend over and hold her onto my stomach as I walk around the house (just as we saw the monkeys do at Mole National Park). And, she loves "Tickle Chats".

Not only does Rachel smile with me ... but with the whole family. Rachel loves to run around at the park and play with Elijah. Rachel loves to jump on Papa. Rachel loves to ride bikes with Josiah. Rachel loves to listen to Hosanna read to her every night when the 3 girls go to bed.

Rachel ... loves life.

Rachel's ... eyes sparkle.

Rachel has found ... her smile.

Spring Sports with the "D" Family

Spring is a crazy busy time for our family ... but we have a LOT of fun. With 6 kids taking part in spring sports, March to June brings more ball games and track meets than you can imagine. Now that we are in the full swing of things (different leagues get going at different times), here is our weekly schedule:

Monday:

Josh - track practice
Ben - baseball practice


Tuesday:

Josh - track practice
Ben - baseball game
Hosanna - baseball game
Josiah - baseball game

Wednesday:

Josh - track practice
Ben - baseball practice
Elijah - baseball game

Thursday:

Josh - track meet
Ben - baseball game
Hosanna - baseball practice
Josiah - baseball game

Friday:

Jeremiah - baseball game
Josh - track practice
Ben - baseball practice
Elijah - baseball game

Saturday:

Josh - track meet
Hosanna - baseball game

Sunday:

REST ... RELAX ... PLAY ...


While we can't make it to every game or meet, because we might be at someone else's game or meet, we do not sit at home and send our kids off to their sporting events. Every afternoon, Jim and I load up 2 vehicles and head off in 2 directions, with a car load of cheerleaders for whomever is playing/running that day. Last night, we had 4 extra kids with us, while their parents went out to dinner for their anniversary, so Ben got to have 12 cheerleaders rooting him on. Go, Ben, Go!

This year, Jacob, Sarah, and Rachel arrived too late to sign up for spring sports, but I'm sure they will all be adding baseball to their schedules next year. So, we will then have 8 kids in spring sports (Jeremiah will be off to Amman, Jordan, so he won't be here to play baseball.) Crazy ... busy ... but FUN!

Two New Treats: The Beach and D.Q.

After a looong day of homeschooling, running errands, misc. appointments, a trip to the library, and baseball practice ... I would have ordinarily been ready to get the kids home, to take some time to relax. However, at Elijah's practice last night, we actually enjoyed the first semi-warm spring evening. I didn't have to put my winter jacket over my sweatshirt ... we didn't get out the blankets ... we actually felt a little warmth from the sun. It was quite relaxing to sit with close friends and watch our little t-ball boys (while Papa worked on softball skills with Hosanna and a friend).

After practice, Jim suggested that we take the kids out for ice cream. However, when I saw the beginnings of a nice sunset in the distance, I asked Jim, "How long until sunset?" He responded, "About 30 minutes. Why?" Well ... we haven't taken the kids out to the beach yet (being that we have had several snow showers in April) .... it's only a 20 minute drive ... and it looks like there will be a nice sunset ... "

So, at 7:30, when all good parents should have been taking their children home to get ready for bed ... we headed West, towards the sunset.


Papa & Hosanna enjoyed pointing out the little crabs and sea critters ...






Josiah & Elijah were excited to race down the beach to show their brother and sisters their favorite piece of drift wood for climbing ...







While Mama enjoyed taking pictures of the kids ... and the sunset. I am still learning the ins and outs of taking pictures of cute little dark faces (it is, actually, a whole lot different than taking pictures of cute little white faces). The task gets even more challenging when taking pictures of dark faces at dusk. But, I'm still experimenting and learning. I think I need to purchase a larger flash for my Nikon D70. Any photographers out there ... to give me some tips???






At 8:30, when we popped all of the kids back into the big, red van ... they definitely thought it was time to head home to bed. But, just as I climbed into the van, the big boys called. They had just finished up an evening of paintballing and asked if we had eaten. I whispered, "Well ... we were thinking about eating ice cream. Why don't you all meet us at Dairy Queen in 20 minutes." Off we headed towards home. D.Q. is just a short ways from home, so the kids got a very nice surprise when we pulled into the parking lot and told the kids it wasn't bedtime yet. Ice cream treats were a great finale to a long, fun day. (Sorry ... should have taken my camera in.)

A New Use for Masking Tape

A few nights ago, Ben headed to bed awhile after Jacob. He immediately ran back upstairs and said, "Mom ... Jacob's mouth is taped shut!" Hmmm ??? I contemplated whether or not to find my camera (this could make a good blog post), but, instead, just told Ben to take the tape off of his mouth, and that we would ask Jacob in the morning why he would tape his mouth shut before he went to sleep.

Well ... he actually had quite a logical explanation ... and we all had a good laugh ...

The following night, just before bed, I remembered the incident and casually asked Jacob about this new usage for masking tape. He explained that while he is sleeping his mouth hangs open and he drools on his pillow. He does not like to awaken to a drool soaked pillow, so he thought that taping his mouth shut would be a good idea. I asked him what he uses his mouth for, to which he responded (with a big smile), "Breathing?" I laughed, and told Jacob that he should thank Ben for saving his life ... since it is pretty important to be able to breathe while you sleep.

We all had a good laugh, as I explained to the kids that taping our mouths shut was not the best use of tape.

Follow-Up to ... Entitlement vs. Appreciation

(Read post below ... first ... if you haven't yet.)




Great comments ... thoughts ... ideas !!! Thanks ... and keep them coming. I'm appreciating the dialogue.

Barbara said, "I wonder if it is somehow tied to them not having had the opportunity to give sacrificially to someone else yet? To know what it means to put a lot of yourself into a gift and appreciate that someone else has done that for them?"

Great thought! We will definitely provide opportunities for that. They all went to a birthday party and I should have / could have had them make presents, rather than me going to the store to purchase presents. Hmmm ...

dkt said, "If they were "entitled" to a change of circumstance (their adoption and rescue out of poverty) ... why aren't they entitled to great material wealth? With no heart change, greed is a logical conclusion."

So right. Powerful comments.

dkt also said, "it is possible to train your adoptive children to glorify God by denying themselves, just like you did your bio chidren a long time ago (probably when they were two years old and wanting everything in sight!)."

Sooo ... true. MUCH of the parenting that is taking place is the training that we did with our bio. children at ages 2 & 3. In many ways, it truly has been like we were handed 3 year old triplets, rather than 3 children ages 6, 9, 12. Surprising? Yes. Tough? Yes. But ... we are all working and growing through each situation.

Michelle said, " ... garage sales ... teach her to be careful with the money that we are stewards of ..."

Love it!

Kate said, "In many orphanages, there is no personal property and no personal responsibility. When you are not responsible for anything, when nothing matters to you, you do not learn how to care for things. Meals, clean clothes, and donations arrive on schedule. The children rarely see the work that goes into these events."

Absolutely. This is definitely something that we were quickly aware of. The children did not "own" their own clothing at the orphanage. (We had to take clothing for them to change into when we arrived at the orphanage. We had to take all of the clothing for them to wear while we were in Ghana with them.) Thus, they were not responsible for it. So, they had no understanding of the huge financial output that we had made to purchase full wardrobes for all 3 of them. And, they had no concept of taking care of the things that had been purchased for them. As Kate said ... new donations would arrive when clothes got ripped or torn or soiled beyond decent. I'm sure that they just assume that their "wealthy American parents" can just replace anything that needs replacing.

I was also very interested by all of the personal stories of meeting people from other countries ...

Jim met the man from Kenya ... who said that he was surprised that Americans had to work. He thought America was MTV.

Ericka has the neighbors from India ... who were shocked at how hard American mothers have to work.

Kate tells of the Russian orphans ... who believe they are entitled to special privileges, because of their orphan status.

Again ... we so appreciate the dialogue. We are NOT in despair over the situation ... just wanting tips on how to walk through it.

Yes ... the children are doing chores with all of their brothers and sisters. And, we tell them how much it is appreciated.

Yes ... the children have learned (some of the time) to say, "Thank you." ... but the heart attitude is just not there yet.

I will continue to do my shopping by myself. (We live 25 minutes from "the big city", so going to Wal-Mart, Costco, and the mall are not daily or weekly events for us anyway.) Mama likes shopping to be her "quiet time", so the other kids don't go shopping with her all the time, either.

We will continue to seek wisdom from the Lord (and from all of you) ... as we train up our children in the way they should go.

We will continue to train ... to teach ... to encourage ... to appreciate ... ALL of the blessings that the Lord has filled our home with.

Thanks for your love and support as we walk this new journey.

Entitlement vs. Appreciation

We have been very surprised by one aspect of this adoption transition, so I have a couple questions for those of you who have adopted. (I'd love to get some feedback on this one, if you have any comments to share.)

#1 Have your adopted children struggled with an entitlement focus?
#2 If so, what have you done to encourage an appreciation focus?


Some close friends of ours had a foster/adopt child placed in their home last summer. A few months later the mom and I discussed some of the child's struggles and whether or not we felt these would be issues with the children we were adopting. One primary issue of concern was the general sense of entitlement: "I need." "I want." "I deserve." I could easily see how a child in the U.S. foster care system could get that focus, when they see everything that their peers have, yet they go from house to house with a grocery sack filled with their few precious belongings. However, I really didn't believe that this would be an issue with our children coming from Africa. Since they did not have much of anything to call their own, and since their culture in general did not have much in the form of material possessions, I really thought that the children would be appreciative of what they would have when they arrived in America.

However ... we did have a few clues that this might not be the case.

In December, we received an email from Jacob. In that email, he said, "When I get to America, I will have ... my own computer, my own cell phone, toys that talk, etc...." Oh my?! Not at our house, he won't.

Then, when we were in Accra, we were driving down the street in a Taxi, when the children started a conversation about, "Next Christmas, in America, we will get ..... " Oh dear. Presents are NOT the focus at our house on Christmas.

Then, Jacob and Jim celebrated their birthdays the week before coming home. Jim reported to me that Jacob had a very bad attitude on his birthday, even after Jim had prepared Jacob's special request for dinner, and the girls had made birthday cards for him .... but, this was not special enough. He was upset about not getting a bunch of presents. Again, this is NOT the focus at our house. We knew that issues were headed our way once the children arrived home.

We have taken the advice of adoptive families that have gone before us ... in the children's 6 weeks home, they have NOT yet experienced: the mall, Wal-Mart, Costco, etc... Actually, the only store they have been to has been Safeway, the local grocery store. So, we have purposely kept them away from the aisles and aisles of temptations that would bring the "I want" focus.

We have also, purposely, not bought each of them their own bike and bike helmet ... we have told all of the children that they need to learn to share the bikes and helmets that are available. (Which they have done fairly well.)

But ... appreciation we have NOT seen. For our bio. children, going to a nice restaurant is a treat, stopping for fast food is a treat, getting ice cream for dessert is a treat, etc... For our new children ... nothing seems to be a treat. Several of our bio. children made beautiful quilts for the new children ... but no signs of appreciation were evident when they were given and received. (Obviously, very discouraging for the siblings who had worked so hard on them.) I have already made a 70+ page scrapbook of our Africa trip (with plans to make 3 smaller ones for the children). All of our friends comment, "Oh, this must mean so much to the children." "Well ... no." I don't even want to spend the time or energy, now, on the books for the children, because I don't believe they will be appreciated or taken care of.

Yes, lack of appreciation also tends to bring a lack of desire to take care of the things that the children do have. We must explain over and over the difference between "play clothes" and "church clothes", because the children will go play in the dirt with their nicest clothes on, and have no concern about the stains or rips. Again, something we have just never dealt with before.

Why do we think this is happening? We have to wonder ... the children at the orphanage spent MUCH time watching Disney movies. We believe that this could have significantly influenced the children to believe, "THIS is life in America". So, we are very curious if this attitude is still prevalent amongst children from other orphanages that did not have the benefit of daily movies. Or, children who came almost directly from their villages, without viewing "life in America" from the Hollywood perspective.

We'd LOVE to hear your thoughts/ideas in this area. We are a bit stumped by the matter ...

Thanks!

Run Josh Run

Hosanna and Mama took a 2 day mother/daughter trip to Chehalis (4 hours each way) to be cheerleaders for Josh at his track meet.

Here is Josh running the 1600m (1 mile) in 4:44 (4 minutes 44 seconds). Wow! It was FREEZING cold (literally), thus the wearing of gloves while running (not part of the regular attire during track season in Western Washington). It snowed on and off during the 2 day meet, and made a record for the latest recorded snow in Western Washington. In the weather history of our great state, the lowlands of "the Coast" have NEVER before seen snow on April 18th or 19th. And, it wasn't just a "trace of snow"; when we awoke yesterday morning, it had snowed 2 inches over the night.



Here he is again ... this time running the 4 X 400m relay.



Despite the COLD ... much fun was had by all. We took a large thermos of hot chocolate to the meet, to share with Josh and his friends. Much appreciated!

Hosanna and I had a much needed and fun mother/daughter time. Within the course of 2 weeks, Hosanna "lost" 2 big sisters and gained 3 little siblings. So, she suddenly became the only at-home big sister to 5 little siblings. She has stepped into the role in an AMAZING way, but I knew she would enjoy some time away to relax and play (which she did). We spent Friday night with close friends that live just 15 min. from the track meet. Then, on the way home, we stopped along the way and visited other dear friends for dinner. We arrived home at 11:30 p.m. last night, tired but relaxed.

The Tough Stuff

The question is raised almost daily, and often several times in a day ...

"How are you? How are things going with the kids?"

Our typical response, "Challenging, but good. We see weekly progress."

While I would certainly not want this blog to become a place where I air my family's "dirty laundry"; I also do not want it to become a sugar-coated story time, either So, how do we find a balance?

Adoption is a GOOD THING. God has called us to bring these children into our home. The children are beautiful, nice, sweet, ... "charmers" as one friend said today when he met them.

At the same time ...

Adoption is a challenge. Parenting is a challenge. Blending 2 families is a challenge (we brought 3 siblings into a group of 10 siblings). We created 3 sets of "Virtual Twins" (the new term that I stole off a blog I just found).

But ... sometimes you feel as if everyone else's adoption is going so well, that you are embarrassed to actually admit that it is a challenge. One mom recently shared with me, "I didn't tell you ... but our first 2 months were ______" Oh how I wish she had shared ... it would not have scared me off from our process, it would have given us an opportunity to pray for and with this family.

Luckily, we do have very close friends who have gone before us in this journey. We have walked their walk with them. We have prayed with them and for them. So, our eyes were open before we even started the process, that life was not going to be one big party.

I have been following another large family's blog for some time, and the dad just wrote a post on the "Tough Stuff". Not only did he share a snippet of their own family's tough stuff, but he asked people to please share, honestly, their comments. What he found ... adoptive parents were so glad to have an opportunity to really share what they were walking through. Within just a couple of days, his post had 30 comments. I am sharing a link to his post, here, for those of you who want to read what other families have walked through. If you are just starting the adoption process, don't let this produce a spirit of fear ... but, rather, let this be something that helps you to walk your journey with your eyes wide open.

Now ... after reading all 30 comments ... I came away feeling pretty darn good about our transition. While we have had our challenges, we have not faced some of the REALLY tough stuff that is out there (yet?). If, however, our journey gets even more difficult (we pray it won't) ... we know that God himself has ordained this journey for our family; He will walk us through it; and He will grow each of us because of it.

Read on ....

http://welovebigfamilies.blogspot.com ... and scroll down to April 10th. (Sorry, my "insert link" didn't work.)

The Swing at Christian Renewal Center in Oregon

Impacting Lives of the Next Generation

I am continually amazed to find out who all has discovered this blog, and I am humbled by the comments that are shared.

Ten to fifteen years ago, Jim and I spent a couple of years volunteering as youth leaders at our church (back when we had 8 kids under 12). We thoroughly enjoyed the relationships that we built with the teens. We fondly remember the many spontaneous worship nights that were held in our living room. The teens all had midnight curfews, and the house would start emptying out at 11:45, by the ones who lived the furthest. There were a couple of families who lived very close, though, so their kids would hang with us until 11:57, giving them just enough time to slide into their driveways when the clock struck 12:00.

Several of the young men worked with Jim in the summer, painting houses. Many of the young men and young ladies babysat our children. We'll never forget when one of the guys was coming to babysit for the first time and he had his mother demonstrate how to change a diaper, by using a napkin on a teddy bear. He didn't have to use those skills, though, as he was smart enough to ask Cassie if she knew how to change her little brother's diaper.

Eight years ago, we moved away from the town that we called home ... leaving behind the many great relationships with the teens. We did keep in touch, though, and have returned for several weddings in the past few years. It's always been fun to find out what the "kids" are doing now.

While we hoped and prayed that we were setting a good example for the teens, we had no idea how greatly we were impacting their lives. In the past few months, through this new world of blogging, we have begun to find out the impact that we have had.

First, one of the teens discovered my daughter Cassie's blog. They began emailing, and Krista shared with Cassie how much I had meant to her. She even referred back to a trip to Portland we had taken with the teens, and how much it meant to her when I stayed up all night talking to the girls in our hotel room. I clearly remember that night. The girls shared so openly with me about life, boys, school, friends. Sadly, they also told me that they did not share so openly with their own mothers. I told them that I hoped that my daughters would share with me when they became teens. The girls assured me that they saw a huge difference in the relationship I already had with Cassie (11), than what they had ever had with their moms. It gave me hope for the teen years with my own kids, but it also made me sad that so many Christian teens did not have close relationships with their Christian parents.

In the past month or so, quite a few of the teens have discovered this blog, and have begun to write comments to us. They, seriously, have brought tears to my eyes.

Jason recently shared,

"Every large family I know is happier, more stable, and has more mature children than those with smaller families.

I remember going over to your house once and helping out for a day. When it was time to do chores each of your kids immediately went to their stations and began their duties like a well oiled machine - and they all had smiles on their faces. I was utterly amazed and maybe a little embarrassed that your kids (who were 12 and under) had a few virtues that I lacked myself.

I knew at that time that you guys were doing something right (and different from what everyone else was doing). Now we see the fruit of it.

Thank you for your vision and example - showing parents like me what a blessing children can be when you focus on the things that really matter."


And, his brother Nathan wrote:

I've been following your journey for the last several months. Just wanted to say thank you for the influence your family had on my life growing up. Just watching your family casually growing up is one of the reasons my wife and I decided to homeschool our children.

Wow! I am NOT sharing these stories, in any way, to brag or to be prideful. I am sharing these stories to encourage each of you to be aware that people are watching. You are setting an example, whether it be a good one or a bad one.

For the many large families or homeschooling families or adoptive families that read this blog ... keep up the good work. While much of the world does not understand the calling that God has placed on our lives ... there are many in the next generation that are watching, and wondering, "What do I want my family to look like? What is God's calling for me and my family?"

And, for all of you young people that read this blog ... step out ... be bold ... don't be afraid to be different ... seek God's plan for your family, not the world's plan.

And, while the teens were watching us, so many years ago, they too were being watched. They did not know that we were discussing their teen lives with our pre-teens. We were asking our pre-teens what type of teenagers they desired to be. We were pointing out the teens that were passionate for the Lord ... the teens that were making right choices ... the teens that were setting good examples for our up-and-coming teens. We were also pointing out the ones making poor choices ... the ones we hoped our children would not follow on their path through the teen years. So, while we did not know the impact that we were having on their lives, they too had no idea the impact that they were having on our children's lives. I stand in awe of the circle of friendships that the Lord has created.

A Birthday Party at the Red Robin Restaurant

Josiah celebrated his birthday on our trip to Oregon. Big sister Cassie was our server, and she made him this very special hat.

Oregon ... Day #3 - The Museum is Closed, so We'd Better Find a New Park

Oregon ... Day #2 - "The Spinning Park"