Our family has a variety of family gatherings ...
Family Meals ... 3 meals per day, 7 days per week ... even if it is a picnic at a baseball game, family meal time is important.
Family Prayer Time ... every night with everyone that is at home when it is the young ones' bedtime.
Family Devotions ... several times per week with everyone that is at home when it is young ones' bedtime ... this can mean reading a short (5-10 minute) devotional, or spending 45 minutes reading God's Word together.
Family Game Nights ... not often enough, but when we have them they are FUN! ... Papa & Mama beat Ben & Hosanna in Hand & Foot tonight.
Family Meetings ... sometimes this will be a short (20 minute) time to discuss an important family event or situation ... other times it will be a much longer time of studying God's Word, dialoguing about a topic, praying for one another, etc...
Last night was the Family Meeting of all Family Meetings ... not only did it last from 10:30 p.m. - 1:30 a.m., but it was our first Family Meeting that included a Video Conference. It also included dear family friends, whom experienced their very first "Family Meeting".
Lindsey & Josh had their last performance of a college play last night, and the rest of the cast was heading out for a cast party. When they asked Lindsey why she couldn't join them, they were a bit confused about the Family Meeting ...
"Are you in trouble for something?"
"No ... our Family Meetings are fun."
"Oh ... are they a Family Game Night?"
"No ... they are very serious discussions, but we look forward to them."
"Huh?" (
How could a Family Meeting possibly be more important than a college Cast Party?)
For the past several months, Papa and I, along with our friends M & A, have been challenged by our Pastor's sermons to ... go deeper ... grow closer ... seek wisdom ... While we have walked closely with the Lord for 30 years, we have felt an even deeper tug on our hearts. As we have processed what, exactly, this means we have been concerned about a variety of areas in the lives of our teens and young adults. Now ... don't get me wrong ... they are all passionate about the Lord. However, while they are definitely seeking the Lord in their lives, we felt it was time to step up and challenge them a bit more. While discussing last week's sermon with M & A, they asked if they might attend our Family Meeting with their 14 y.o. daughter. Great ... we would love our kids to hear M & A's perspective, also.
Early in the week, we asked our teens and young adults if they might be able to clear their Saturday evening schedules, after church. They all agreed. I then talked to Cassie on the phone (in Oregon) and asked if she and her friend H. might like to join us (via. video conferencing). H. was excited to be invited to our Family Meeting. We also invited one of our dear "adopted" young adult friends, who has been involved in several previous Family Meetings.
So ... after church we came home and had a BBQ with M & A and their family (our 2 families eat together and fellowship every Saturday night after church). While we were preparing the meal, our Big Boys headed into The Big City to pick up Lindsey and Josh (since it was later than the transit busses run). They all arrived home in time for hamburgers and chicken sandwiches. After eating, we hurried the little ones through their S'mores (a NEW treat for Jacob, Sarah, and Rachel). By 10:30 we had the 9 young ones (ages 1-12) happily watching a video in the Family Room downstairs ... we had my 20" iMac set up in the Living Room for our Video Conference ... we got Cassie and H. set up on iChat ... and our living room filled with 4 "older adults", 4 "young adults", and 3 teens. We were ready ... to see what God had for us.
I don't think any of us had any idea that this family meeting would last 3 hours. Our usual Saturday night fellowship time regularly lasts until midnight ... so I guessed this meeting might last about that long. But ... God had other plans.
I assured the "kids" that this was NOT a time of judgement ... nor was it a time to listen to "old fashioned" parental ideas ... rather, it was a time that we wanted to dialogue about a variety of lifestyle choices. Some ... pretty clearly spelled out in scripture. Others ... not quite so black and white.
We began by looking up 8-10 scriptures that speak in generalities about living wholesome lives. We then asked how these scriptures could be applied to our entertainment choices.
Jim and I set the standard, while in our early 20's, that we would not watch anything Rated R. In the past 25 years we have only made 2 exceptions to the rule:
#1 The Passion of the Christ ... we even took our teens and their friends (with parent permission) to this one.
#2 Black Hawk Down ... when Gregg was on his first deployment, he told us that this was the most realistic war video, if we wanted to really know what his daily life was like. So, this was NOT entertainment for me, but rather more of a documentary of my child's real life circumstances.
Recently, however, as Jim and I have been analyzing our video choices and those of our teens and young adults, I realized that today's PG-13 movies are yesterdays R rated movies. What does this mean for us? Will we no longer allow PG-13 movies in our house? How about when our teens go to friend's houses? We have not yet determined answers to these questions ... but this family meeting "put it all out on the table". We know that our young adults and their friends have watched R rated movies. We hope that this discussion will help them to format their own boundaries (not only for movie watching, but also for video games).
After our talk of wholesome entertainment choices ... we moved on to scriptures which direct us to "follow the laws of the land". This led to several more specific topical discussions ...
#1 Speeding ... if the speed limit says "60", how do we justify "70"? Knowing that our 3 oldest children had ridden in cars that were being driven in excess of 100 mph ... we asked how their friends would justify it? As passengers in the car, what should they have said? Not only is this an area of breaking the law, but also an area of safety. Our "adopted" young adult shared that, as a fire fighter, he has seen too many accidents as a result of speeding and that he is a safe 21 y.o. driver.
#2 Paying Taxes ...
... several of our kids have worked in places where they received tips, but their employers did not tell them to record and pay taxes on those tips. (It wasn't until the following April, while helping with taxes, that I discovered this oversight. Yikes!) They both now work in restaurants, and they do claim their tips.
... many teens and young adults take jobs that are paid "under the table". What does this mean? What are the laws regarding occasional lawns jobs, painting jobs, etc... ???
... Papa and M. both own their own contracting businesses (Papa is a Painter ... M. has a flooring business). We shared how important it has been for both of our families to run these businesses with completed integrity, as Christian witnesses.
After quite a discussion on "obeying the law", we moved on to a few more "grey areas" ...
#1 Alcohol ... while it IS legal for those over 21, is it God's best for our young adults? How does it affect your Christian witness? What if it could cause someone to stumble? Jim and I ... and M & A ... have all chosen not to consume any alcohol. Several of the young adults have also set this as a personal standard, while others don't see anything wrong with having a beer now and then. Again ... this was not a time for judgement, but a great time of discussion. I believe this discussion was especially important for the 4 teens that are not yet "of age" to drink, so that they can define their personal boundaries before they even get to 21.
#2 Gambling ... while I do not believe any of our young adults have any type of problem in this area, it is an area that several have participated in once or twice. Again, Jim and I ... and M & A ... have chosen not to have this as part of our lives. So, it was good for us to have an opportunity to share our convictions with this group of teens and young adults.
Well ... that was our 3 hour Family Meeting.
(Yes, all 9 of the "young ones" were still awake at 1:30 a.m. ... two movies later.) I am sharing it here because I know there is a group of young adults that regularly check in on our family, through this blog.
Hi friends ... hope you enjoyed this "discussion".Now ... I would love to open up this Family Meeting to the blogging world. Again .... I am not here to judge you, so hope that you will be able to share your beliefs without judging me. :)
If anyone would like to know the scriptures that were discussed; just let me know and I can add them to another post.
