Tough Stuff

Last week was a difficult week for the Big D. Family.  It was an emotional rollercoaster, for many of us, and I had to wait a week to write about it because life was so up in the air.  

Cassie was home, and we had fun, fun, fun ... but the primary reason she came home was tough, tough, tough.

We are still "in process", and trying to see what lessons we should learn ... as individuals, as parents, as a family.  What, oh Lord, do you want to teach us, here?

There is no gentle way to break this news ... hopes and dreams have been dashed ... hearts have been broken ... friendships have been deeply damaged ... we are no longer planning a wedding for this summer ... Heidi is moving back to Oregon ... 

There are always 2 sides to every story ... always 2 people responsible for every breakup ... always more than 2 people who get hurt in the process ...  

With this engagement, things are even more difficult because Cassie introduced her best friend to her big brother.  She thought they would be perfect for each other ... and they thought so too.  Now, in addition to the broken hearts of the young couple, you have a sister caught in the middle, feeling guilty, wondering how this could happen.  She drove the 9 hours each way, to come home last week, to try to help Gregg & Heidi walk through their tough stuff ... but it didn't matter ... it was over ...  

We are all trying to pick up the pieces.  We haven't even told all of the little ones yet.  How can we explain ... they thought that when two people were planning a wedding, it meant the two were to be married.  And, we have always told them that marriage means forever.  We are praying for the right words to say, to explain Heidi's absence.

What are we to learn?  Was there anything, as parents, that we should have done differently?  While we were in support of their relationship, we did share a few concerns.  We tried to gently point out areas that needed to be worked on.  What can we do to help our other children not have to walk this same path?

Honestly, I'm a bit concerned ... I don't think I can handle another 15+ years of young love and romance.  It's a rollercoaster.  I love the excitement of possibilities ... the wondering if this is "the one" ... the sparkle in their eyes ...  but, oh, the pain ... the heartache ... the emotions ...

In addition to walking through the tough stuff with Gregg (and with Cassie) this past week ... there were also flickers of possibilities for several of our other children.  (With 5 young adults ready to meet "the one", we can keep it vague here.)  Just in the past couple of weeks, there have been old acquaintances renewed, with new views of the friendship ... there have been new friendships made, with possibilities thought of ... there have been close friendships, where outside challenges have reared their ugly head ...

How can I possibly help all of my children navigate the rough waters of Young Love?  I just don't have the wisdom, nor the energy, for it.

It seemed so simple when Jim and I got together.  We were friends for 2 years.  We went on 3 dates.  We got engaged.  We broke up.  (Oh yea ... we had things to learn, also.)  We got back together.  We planned a wedding.  We lived happily ever after.  (With a few bumps along the road, here and there.)