... a year since they arrived in America.
... a year since they met all of their brothers and sisters.
... a year since they started homeschooling.
... a year since they began attending our church.
... a year since they started Bible Study Fellowship.
In many ways it's been a fun and exciting year ...
... as we have explored beaches and lakes and Mt. Baker.
... as we have visited the Woodland Park Zoo in Seattle,
and Stanley Park in Vancouver, BC.
... as we have gone to Christian Renewal Center
in Oregon, 3 times.
... as they have met special friends,
and discovered special family traditions.
(The Allen Family and their cabin at the Hood Canal,
and George & Shirley and their cabin at Coeur d'Alene.)
... as we have now celebrated all 3 of their
"birthdays in America", along with
Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.
... as we have learned how to do Yarn Braids,
and they have shared stories of Life in Ghana.
We've DONE a lot ... we've gone many PLACES ...
we've LEARNED a lot ... and it has been GOOD.
However, I would be remiss if I left out the fact that it has also been a very difficult year ...
... as we realized that we could never meet
the children's expectations of America.
... as we tried to teach them how to "Be Thankful".
... as we tried to blend the lives of six children,
two sibling groups, within a six year age span.
... as we tried to figure out how to make up for all
the "lost" years of schooling. Where do you begin,
with a 12 year old?
... as we tried to teach concepts that our other children
had learned during their preschool years.
... as we tried to explain Scripture to them.
... as we tried to teach them to be obedient,
and not to lie.
... as we tried to build their attachment, while trying
to understand our own attachment issues.
... as we tried to help our older children have healthy
relationships with the "new kids": not to baby them,
but not to expect too much, either.
... as we learned about racism, both the negative,
and the overly positive type.
So, it's been a year. We see growth in many areas. Yet, in many ways we expected to be further along on this journey by now. We know that we should be celebrating ... yet the journey ahead still looks overwhelming in so many ways.
... after weeks and weeks of trying to teach the children to tell time, they just "don't get it". Today, Jacob had a story problem that said, "The party started at 6:30 and ended at 8:30. How long was the party?" Jacob didn't come to ask for help, but Ben found him making tally marks on a piece of scratch paper. He was counting the minute marks on the clock and was going to end up with 120 tally marks, in order to know that the party was 120 minutes long. However, then he would have never known that 120 minutes equaled 2 hours. For the past 3 months, we have focused and focused and focused on "telling time". We have workbooks. We have videos. We have clocks all over the house. Any suggestions???
... sometimes Rachel can do her schoolwork so well. Other times, it seems she hasn't learned anything. (Not only here at home, but in her 2 years of schooling before she got here.) One day last week, Rachel told me, "I don't know minus." The next day, she said, "I don't know plus." Two days later, she said, "I don't know equal." Day after day after day, I teach her these things. We use workbooks. We use manipulatives. We use story problems. We use "every day life". Any suggestions???
... some days the children play so well, and we really feel like they have "made the transition". Other days, they definitely "take sides". The new kids on the block can really set out to make trouble for the old kids on the block. And, the old kids on the block aren't immune from the temptation of retaliation. Then you throw in the big kids ... some always take the sides of the "new kids", others tend to better see the perspective of the "old kids".
Now ... of course ... this is not every day or every week ... but it still happens. We always work through it, and we all learn and grow from it. But ... it is NOT easy. The Lord showed me early on in our transition period, that our situation was very similar to the blending of families when two divorced parents decide to marry. Rather than adopting 1 or 2 younger children into an already existing family ... we brought 2 compete sibling groups together, that were all the same age. As I've said many times, this can be GOOD. But, it can also be TOUGH.
Oh, I hope you hear my heart. I, truly, am not complaining. I count it a privilege that the Lord has given us these dear children to teach, to train, to raise as part of our family. But, somedays ... some weeks ... I'm just tired. And, this past week has certainly been "one of those weeks".
(I've had a very difficult week, in multiple areas of my life ... which brings me to a very melancholy place ... not a place of joyful celebrations. Which, in fact, is why I haven't blogged in a few days. I try to live by the motto: If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. So, I've been REALLY quiet for a few days.)
We continue to "run the marathon" that I have mentioned several times this past year. This week, we are climbing a hill, against the wind ... but, hopefully it won't be long before we are again on a smooth, flat stretch, running with the wind. Either way, we are running this race. We will not quit. We know this is the race the Lord has called us to. We know He is running right alongside us. So, we will ...
"... run with perseverance the race marked out for us. (We will) fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith ..." Hebrews 12:1-2
Thank you for sharing your heart!!! I am praying for the wisdom of the LORD to guide each step and also for REST...
ReplyDeleteI can so relate with you!
ReplyDeleteFor us it took a full two years for the "fit" to happen in our family. We still now at three years wonder how they come up with some of the things they do.
I had the almost exact math problem with our son, except he said I never told him how to read minutes on a clock!!
My advise-patience, more than I have!
As for the bad week, you will notice my blog has one entry in the last week for the same reason!!
God will not give us more than we can handle! Then I know it is in His streghth alone! Have I felt this this week? No, but it is what I have been clinging too.
Blessings,
Donna
Laurel,
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate you sharing not only the joys of the last year but the trials as well. You don't sound like you're complaining... it's more "these are the areas that break my heart, and right now I don't know what to do". I'm praying specifically that the Lord will guide you and Jim in ways to make headway in each of those areas in the next year.
((((((BIG HUG)))))) :)
Love,
Vicky
Yep, you're running the race . . . and you're all in it for the long-haul. I'm so proud of you.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I've moved my blogging over to our brand-new Harvest Ministry - Mission-Minded LIFE website. Come take a look (and if you could change your link on the side-bar, that would be great).
Our new site is:
//harvestministry.org
It's a combo of a blog and a website, so everything can be together. And I'm wondering if I could feature that article you wrote about Raising up Missionaries??? What do you think?
Love you!
Ann
Hi Laurel,
ReplyDeleteI have visited your site multiple times and 'see' you on some of the other sites I visit! This post might be the most encouraging to me that you have written so far in it's raw honesty. Thank you for being so honest and sharing your heart! We are officially referral ready and I am trying to watch and learn all of you that are ahead of us on this journey! I catch a tidbit from all of you on each post! Being tired is ok! I hope and pray that your coming days will be a little sunnier! Thanks for being so vulnerable! It helps me think of the coming days.
I appreciate this post too. It's so helpful to hear about other families good AND bad times so we can better prepare for our own adoption. It's also sooooo nice to be reminded that we aren't the only parents who don't always have the right answers, perfect families etc. :)
ReplyDeleteIt's understandable that you don't want to say something that isn't nice, but also realize that it's the times like these that help people to NOT see your family as a bubble of perfection that reminds them of the Cleavers.
ReplyDeleteYou are an amazing woman and an wonderful Mommy, so it's comforting for us to see your "bad" weeks too. I keeps the reality that there are hard times in every family in all our minds.
I'm glad that God is giving you all the gift of growth, even though it is uncomfortable. What a blessing that you view it that way even in the middle of the trial.
Thank you for telling us the good as well as the difficult. It makes us remember that we all struggle.
ReplyDeleteI would love to adopt. Perhaps the Lord has that for our future.
Blessings,
Kimberly
Hi Laurel,
ReplyDeleteI just stumbled upon your blog last night and thought I would check in today. I am praying right now that your childrens eyes will be open so that they may understand their math and understand time. God may you reach down and touch their lives. Reveal yourself to them. Give them wisdom I pray in Jesus name. God fill Laurel with the strength she needs each day. Renew her mind. And give her your peace that surpasses all understanding that it may guard her heart and mind. In Jesus name I pray amen.
God is good. God is faithful. We are so blessed to be a part of His family.
I noticed in your blog that you mentioned going to Cd'A. Let me know if you are ever this way again, I would love to have the chance to meet you and your family. We're just across the stateline in Spokane and spend half of our summer in Cd'A. My husband and I are in the process of adopting twins from Ethiopia.
I will continue to pray for you this week.
Kelli
A wonderful post. True and from the heart. Thank you for sharing all that is within you.
ReplyDeleteYou an amazing mom!
Personally I can't really give any advice, but my friend Dani is also parenting and homeschooling 13 children, 11 of which are adopted either from Liberia or domestic social services, and she has a lot of expertise, for lack of a better word, with attachment issues, etc., and I remember her saying that at least one of her Liberian girls had a very hard time learning to tell time. Her blog is:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.mylifeinashoe.blogspot.com/
I am just now catching up on your posts (been in Ghana for two months) and I realized we share the same anniversary of bringing our kids home, except we just brought ours home. Your blog is an inspiration and It got me to contemplate what this next year will bring as we raise our two boys.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the the look into the good and the not so good of raising a family!