I hope you will visit my ministry website: http://ajourneyoffaith.net .
Friday, October 16, 2009
What Is A Disrupted Adoption?
I would like to share with you a couple of the comments she has received ...
While most of the comments are supportive and positive, there are always those who have no idea of the further pain that can be cause by their words.
"So. I'm curious. If you love your son, why do you post him needing a home like you'd post a stray dog needing a home?"
Yes. That is how some people look at those of us who are walking through the trauma of a "disrupted adoption" (which is the term most commonly used when a family must find a new family for an adopted child). When I had to write the post for the CHASK website, looking for a new home for my son, that is how I felt. I felt like I was writing a "classified ad" for my son. But ... I had no other resources ... no other way that I knew of to find a new family for my son. Our pastor had thought that there should be a family within our large church (with 2,000+ attendees) that could take Jacob. But, no family was found. What else were we to do? We had nowhere to turn. No agency to work with. No adoption support system. I was all alone ... writing my classified ad. Please don't judge me for doing the only thing I knew to do. Please don't judge Corey for writing this on her blog.
And, another ...
"Disruption? So is that what adoptive parents call it to justify the giveaway? Hey, I have a seriously disabled child and she is certainly "disruptive" but I am not giving her away. What a cop out phrase."
Nope. I don't like the phrase either. But, that is what it is commonly called. If you've read Corey's story ... if you've read about our CRISIS ... you should know that neither family is looking for the "easy way out". Neither of us are "copping out" on our parenting responsibilities. But, we are each responsible for several younger children as well. Should we cop out on our responsibilities to them, in order to keep our sons in our homes?
There was another comment, though, that had a pro-active response to the phrase "disrupted adoption" ...
"... when a birth mother places a child for adoption - for whatever reason - the appropriate language is "adoption plan" or "adoption placement" as it is understood that the birth mother loves the child and is making the decision/plan/placement out of love. I find it fascinating and judgmental that when an adoptive family finds themselves in the position that they need to make an adoption plan it is called a "disruption" as though adoptive families do not love their children enough to make a loving "adoption plan" for them, but just easily "disrupt" their child's place in the family. It is certainly not like that at all and the term "disruption" itself once again shows that adoptive moms are judged more critically and their authenticity as a mom is given less credence than biological mothers."
Yes. I like that. Corey and I are working on loving "adoption placement plans" for our sons.