My Shoes

While this may, at first, seem like a strange little poem ... please keep reading.  It is deep ... and heartfelt.

A Pair of Shoes

I am wearing a pair of shoes.

They are ugly shoes.

Uncomfortable shoes.

I hate my shoes.

Each day I wear them, 

and each day I wish 

I had another pair.

Some days ... 

my shoes hurt so bad

that I do not think ...

I can take ...

another step.

Yet ... I continue to wear them.

I get funny looks 

for wearing these shoes.

I can tell in others eyes 

that they are glad 

they are my shoes 

and not theirs.

They never talk about my shoes.

To learn how awful my shoes are

might make them uncomfortable.

To truly understand these shoes

you must walk in them.

But, once you put them on, 

you can never take them off.

I now realize that I am not the 

only one who wears these shoes.

There are many pairs in this world.

Some women ache daily 

as they try and walk in them.

Some have learned how to walk in them

so they don't hurt quite as much.

Some have worn the shoes so long

that days will go by before they

think about how much they hurt.

No woman deserves to wear these shoes.

Yet ... because of these shoes,

I am a stronger woman.

These shoes have given me

the strength to face anything.

They have made me who I am.

I will forever walk in the shoes

of a woman 

who had to disrupt her adoption

in order to protect 

the other children in her home.

* Author Unknown *

7 Brothers and 5 Sisters

Sweet oldest daughter Cassie wrote a couple of SUPER FUN blog posts this week ... about being the oldest sister in our CRAZY BIG family.

She wrote, Get 7 Brothers, and shared a few of the reasons that she is BLESSED by all of her brothers  ...

need a great strategy for keeping creepy guys away?  get 7 brothers.  it scares them right down to the bone.


need to learn how to put someone in a head-lock should they attack you?  get 7 brothers.  they are good at teaching such things.


want to know if you look good for a date, but not "too good"?  get 7 brothers.  they will GLADLY tell you these things!


need a reason to wear a jersey and eat too much popcorn at baseball games?  get 7 brothers.  tell them it's for THEIR birthday, and they won't even know it's your secret desire!


Jesus knew i was going to be a handful, so he gave me 7 brothers to keep me in line!

 She went on to share a short paragraph about each brother, memories from childhood, and what each brother means to her.

When we were little we would play 'Oregon Trail' on the computer, and he would tell me the best strategy to not lose my cattle or kids to yellow fever.


When he was little we thought he would grow up to be a vet or marine biologist.  He could look at those silly birthday cards with wacky animals on them and tell you, not only the name of the animal but where it was from and what it ate.


He was not always quiet ... and secretly he is a wild-child ... but only when he is in his comfort zone.


He loves music.  We like to rock out in my car with the windows down.


One time we were on a road trip and he started CRACKING UP in his car seat; when we asked him what was so funny he replied, "i made a joke in my head!"


He leaves the best messages on my voice mail.  i save every one.

You'll have to read the POST to find out which brother did what.


Then, Cassie wrote a blog post about her sisters ... Get 5 Sisters ...

can't find the right shoes to wear with that one outfit?  get 5 sisters.  one of them is bound to wear the same size.


can't decide if you want to cut your hair or keep it long?  get 5 sisters.  one of them might look like you and have the opposite of what you do ... look at a picture of them to decide.


need to tell someone how good-looking that guy is but your friends are sick of hearing about him?  get 5 sisters.  most likely they want to tell you the same sort of thing.


God knew i would be somewhat of a girly-girl, so he gave me 5 sisters to share in the FUN!


God knew i couldn't handle 7 brothers all alone, so he gave me 5 sisters to tickle, tackle, and race those brothers with.

She also wrote of some memories with her sweet sisters ..

she loved everything i did ... which was great until i was 12 and wanted to not have little clones.  by the time i was 16 i got over it, and realized that no matter how many 'friends' stabbed me in the back or were mean, (my sister) would always be there ... and i didn't mind if she wanted to be like me.


she clapped on beat at 11 months.  started singing before she could talk, and started playing piano when her fingers couldn't stretch a 5th across the keys.


she has the most beautiful heart.  she serves people without question or the expectation to be rewarded.


she is quirky and silly.  spunky and wild.  quiet and sensitive.


she would rather sleep on top of her blankets so to not mess up her perfectly made bed.


she likes to ponder new information and has a never ending list of questions.


she is my little musical sister.  when we were little she was on a dance team, took piano lessons, sang all the time, and as she grew up learned guitar and kept music within reach at all times.



Cassie says, "get 5 sisters.  you'll never regret it."


I hope you'll pop on over to Cassie's Blog to read more of her thoughts on being the oldest daughter in a family with 13 children.  Wow!  We are BLESSED to know how much this Big Sister loves each and every one of her brothers and sisters.  Yes.  She does.

Cassie moved away 2 1/2 years ago.  450 miles away.  But, that has not kept us apart.  We are on her mind and in her heart, even when we are apart.

Halloween: To Celebrate or Not To Celebrate

What are your thoughts on Halloween?  Do you celebrate it?  Do you allow your children to Trick or Treat?  Do you attend an "alternative event", such as a Harvest Festival?

My new Bloggy Friend Bridget wrote a post: "Halloween Thoughts???" about her thoughts on celebrating Halloween.  While, in the past, her family has participated in some of the Halloween celebration, this year she is feeling a little convicted about it.  So, she just put it out there as, "What do you think?  What do you do?  How do you celebrate, or not?"  And, she got a lot of detailed comments coming from every perspective.

From Bridget's Blog, I jumped over to Bianca's Blog for THIS POST on Halloween.  She has an article written by a man who used to be a Satanic Priest.  It was VERY interesting, and Bianca got a lot of good comments as well.

After reading both posts, and all of the comments, I decided to write my own post about it.  But, rather than just giving you my thoughts and beliefs, I decided to do a little research.

I'd like to share with you some of the information and scriptures that I found on www.jeremiahproject.com ; but I'd encourage you to pop on over there and read it yourself.  I'm certainly going to have all of my big kids read it.


History traces Halloween back to the ancient religion of the Celtics in Ireland ...  Their two main feasts were Beltane at the beginning of summer, and Samhain at the end of summer (Nov. 1).  They believed Samhain was a time when the division between  the two worlds became very thin, when hostile supernatural forces were active and ghosts and spirits were free to wander as they wished.


Some trace the origins of present day "trick or treat" to Samhain, which was the supreme night of demonic jubilation.  Spirits of the dead would rise out of their graves and wander the countryside, trying to return to the homes where they formerly lived.  Frightened villagers tried to appease these wandering spirits by offering them gifts of fruit and nuts.  They began the tradition of placing plates of the finest food and bits of treats that the household had to offer on their doorsteps, as gifts, to appease the hunger of the ghostly wanderers.  If not placated, villagers feared that the spirits would kill their flocks or destroy their property.


The problem was ... if the souls of dead loved ones could return that night, so could anything else, human or not, nice or not-so-nice.  The only thing the superstitious people knew to do to protect themselves on such an occasion was to masquerade as one of the demonic hoard, and hopefully blend in unnoticed among them.  Wearing masks and other disguises and blackening the face with soot were originally ways of hiding oneself from the spirits of the dead who might be roaming around.  This is the origin of Halloween masquerading as devils, imps, ogres, and other demonic creatures.


The Jack-o-lantern is the festival light for Halloween and is the ancient symbol of a damned soul.  Originally the Irish would carve out turnips or beets as lanterns as representations of the souls of the dead or goblins freed from the dead.  When the Irish emigrated to America they could not find many turnips to carve ... (but) pumpkins seemed to be a suitable substitute ...


Pumpkins were cut with faces representing demons and were originally intended to frighten away evil spirits.  It was said that if a demon or such were to encounter something as fiendish looking as themselves that they'd run away in terror, thus sparing the houses dwellers from the ravages of dark entities.


Bats, owls, and other nocturnal animals, also popular symbols of Halloween, were originally feared because people believed that these creatures could communicate with the spirits of the dead.


Black cats were considered to be reincarnated beings with the ability to divine the future.  During the Middle Ages it was believed that witches could turn themselves into black cats.  Thus when such a cat was seen, it was considered to be a witch in disguise.


Witches and witchcraft are dominant themes of the holiday.  Witches generally believe themselves to be followers of an ancient religion, which goes back far beyond Christianity, and which is properly called 'wicca".   To witches, Halloween is a festival of the dead, and represents the end and the beginning of the witches year.  It marks the beginning of the death and destruction associated with winter.  At this time the power of the underworld is unleashed, and spirits are supposedly freed to roam about the earth; it is considered the best time to contact spirits.


The apostle Paul said witchcraft is one of the acts of the sinful nature and those who practice it will not inherit the kingdom of God. (Galatians 5:16-21)


As believers, we are called to "Test everything.  Hold on to the good. Avoid every kind of evil." (1 Thessalonians 5:21-22)  Who can deny that virtually all of the symbols of Halloween are evil?  Witches, monsters, ogres, vampires, ghosts, ghouls, goblins, devils and demons all portray evil.  Christians are to "... have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them."  (Ephesians 5:11)


Should the church be compromised by accommodating itself to the culture?  "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."  (Romans 12:2)  and "For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?  Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"  (2 Corinthians 6:14-15)


When America and the world celebrates the Festival of Samhain and the powers of darkness by masquerading as evil creatures or decorating our homes, schools, business, and churches with occult symbols, Satanic power is glorified.


Tom Sanguinet, a former high priest in the Celtic tradition of Wicca (witchcraft) said, "Halloween is purely and absolutely evil, and there is nothing we ever have or will do that would make it acceptable to the Lord Jesus."


As evil prevails, Americans have embraced an evil day of Satan, with the pranks of hoodlums, combined with 'demon faces' on pumpkins, clothing of 'death' being worn, and calling it fun.  When Christians participate in Halloween, it sends a message to children that witchcraft, demonism, Satanism, and the occult are something fun, entertaining, and harmless.


What's wrong with Halloween?


It does not have even one single  redeeming virtue.  It is custom born out of pagan superstition.  It is a demon-inspired, devil-glorifying, occult festival.  It is an evening holy unto evil, death, and divination.  The Scriptures tell us to "Abstain from all appearance of evil."  (1 Thessalonians 5:22)


Wake up Christians!  This is a night of evil and those who love the Lord Jesus Christ should have nothing to do with it.


We are all accountable for our choices and decisions.  Ignorance is no excuse.  The choice is up to you.  Have you been involved in this satanic holiday?  Do you struggle with giving it up because 'it's just fun" and an innocent opportunity for children to dress up and collect candy?  (I hope and pray that you will) let God show you what He would have you do.




If you weren't aware of the origins of Halloween, I hope this has given you a clearer picture.

Our family has chosen not to celebrate Halloween in any way.  We do not dress up.  We do not buy candy.  We do not attend the big event at our church.  We just don't celebrate it.  We do not, in any way, make Oct. 31st any different than any other day.

One of the questions that we often ask ourselves is, "Is this God's best for my life?"  When our teens want to go to a movie with friends, we ask, "Is that God's best for you?"  When our young adults become interested in another young man or young lady, we ask, "Is that God's best for you?"  When we choose how to spend our free time, we ask, "Is this God's best for us?"  We do not believe that celebrating Halloween could, in any way, be considered "God's Best" for our family.



Update  ...  for further reading ... 


My Bloggy Friend Anita wrote a well thought-out post about her perspective on Halloween (she lets her kids trick-or-treat with Grandma), and gave the following links.   Both links are articles about the origins of the holiday, but give the opposite perspective, that Christians can enjoy the holiday without dishonoring the Lord.  


What About Halloween?  by Answers in Action


Where Did Halloween Come From?  
Can Christians Celebrate It?  
by Christian Apologetics and Research Ministry

Curriculums: The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly

Since many people ask us what types of curriculum we've used over the years, I thought I'd give an overview of my thoughts/ perspectives on the matter.  I am fully aware that some of you may actually like some of the curriculums that I have no use for.  But ... that's the joy of homeschooling ... we get to pick what we like, and what works for each of our kids.  So, while these are my recommendations; I am not judging those of you who have made other choices.  I would love to get some dialogue going about what types of curriculums YOU have liked/disliked.  I know that I've got several moms reading my blog who are brand new to homeschooling, and they would LOVE to hear any/all thoughts on the matter.

I am going to write separate posts for each subject area ... so read BELOW, to find out more ...

Let's Write

Language Arts: 
Grammar and Composition


ABeka Language/Grammar Workbooks  ...  


While we don't use the full ABeka Language/Reading Program, I have used the Language/Grammar Workbooks for most of our 19 years of homeschooling.  As a professional writer and writing instructor, I have seen the benefit of a very thorough Grammar program, and I have seen the consequences of homeschooled students that have not gotten a thorough Grammar program (when they have failed to pass the entrance test for the Community College).  There have been multiple times, though, that the ABeka Language/Grammar has been a little too intense and time-consuming for whatever our homeschooling "plan" happened to be for the year.  At those times, I have chosen to take 2 years to complete 1 ABeka Language/Grammar workbook.  Since Grammar is very repetitive, I have not felt that my children have missed too much by skipping a book, since the concepts taught will show up again later.  So, we might do the 3rd grade book, the 5th grade book, and the 7th grade book, taking 2 years for each book.


On the flip side, however, while the ABeka upper grade level books are called, "Grammar and Composition", I feel that they do a very abysmal job of teaching the composition side of things.  So, we have always used a separate writing program, in addition to the ABeka grammar program.


Writing / Composition:


For the younger crowd (K-4th) I have really liked the Just Write program.  While the books are "graded", I just start my children at Book 1 whenever they are ready for a formal writing program (after they can read pretty well).  So, I might have a Kindergartner doing Book 1, or I might have a 3rd grader doing Book 1.


Write Shop has recently come out with a writing program for the primary kids, and I am excited to incorporate some of their things into our schooling this year (in addition to our Sonlight work).  Their program is not workbook based, but, rather, activity based ... which I LOVE for these little ones.  While I haven't personally used this curriculum yet, I would highly recommend it, as I have looked at it closely, and have sold it at homeschool conventions.


For the "middle kids" (upper elementary) I have used a variety of things.  Nothing really jumps out at me as fantastic, but I've definitely liked some programs over others.  The best program for writing that I have used recently for these kids (grades 4-6) is The Paragraph Book.  


Now, for the older kids (grades 7-12) I have never seen anything that compares with the Write Shop program.  I discovered it about 4 years ago, and I recommend it for every homeschooled child in the upper grades.  I have used it for 3 of my children, and saw MUCH improvement in their writing.  And ... when each of them took the entrance test for the Community College (at ages 16 or 17), all 3 of them tested into higher level college composition (so they didn't have to take Comp. 100).  If you start Write Shop with a 7th or 8th grade student, you can use each book (Write Shop 1 and Write Shop 2) for 2 years.  If you start Write Shop with a 10th or 11th grader, than you can complete each book in 1 year.  The Teacher Guide even lays out the daily plan for a 1 year course or a 2 year course.


If, for some reason, you do not like the looks of Write Shop for your child, I would highly recommend  Wordsmith and Wordsmith Craftsman for your high school students.  These are the books that we used prior to our discovery of Write Shop.  They are inexpensive workbooks.  They are student friendly, and non-time-consuming for the teaching parent.  However ... I would still recommend Write Shop, if at all possible for your family.


Now ... what HASN'T worked for our family ...


Writing Strands:  while I had read many good reviews on this program, my children found it VERY dry and boring.  I think it worked for 1 child for 6 months before we tossed it.

2 + 2 =

Math:

Saxon Math is our tried and true program ... from Kindergarten to High School, we believe it is the best comprehensive program out there.  My sweet husband taught Middle School and High School math for about 15 years; so, I trust his judgement about what Math Curriculum to use.  I LOVE the K-3 Saxon Math for its use of manipulatives (all the "hands-on" stuff).  It really helps the children to understand the concepts behind the problems.  For the older kids, we also purchase the D.I.V.E. computer software, that goes along with each textbook, which has a teacher teaching each problem set.

For those that cannot afford the Saxon program for their K-3 kids, or when Mama doesn't have the time to commit to using the whole program, I would recommend using Horizons Math.  I have used the workbooks on and off over the years, and have been happy with them.

We also LOVE to supplement our math instruction with any of the books from The Critical Thinking Co.  They have WONDERFUL books, focused on a variety of areas of mathematics.

If we have a child that is really struggling with a specific concept, we will pick up the little "Key to ____" workbooks.  These just cost a couple of dollars each, and they are a full workbook of specific problems on fractions, division, multiplication, or whichever concept your child is struggling with.

What we would NOT use ...

Quite a few years ago, we had some of our children switch over to Math-U-See.  After a few months, my husband (the math teacher) came to the conclusion that there were a lot of gaps in the program, especially with the older kids.  Now, I know that this program has been revised since that time, so it might be a better program now ... but, it was an expensive experiment for us. We bought the WHOLE  program, at 3 different levels, and now the books have been collecting dust on our bookshelves for years.  While Math-U-See does come with teaching videos, the videos are designed for the parent, not the student.  The parent is to watch the videos in order to learn how to teach the concepts.  We much prefer the D.I.V.E. cds that we buy with our Saxon, that teach our children directly.  I can't imagine watching 6 videos every day to learn how to teach 6 children at their different levels.

We also do NOT recommend the ABeka math books.  We used them for a couple of years, when we first began homeschooling.  Because they are designed for classroom use, rather than for homeschoolers, (as is all ABeka curriuclum), the workbooks didn't have enough detailed directions for the problem sets.  While Saxon math is also designed for classroom use (and my husband taught it in the public schools for many years), the Saxon books do provide a lot of detailed instruction for the student.

History: From Ancient Civilizations to Yesterday

Oh so disappointed ... Yesterday I wrote a long and detailed post about all of the fun history stuff that we do.  But, unbeknownst to me, I lost internet connection and the post never saved.  Very sad.  I will try to re-create it here, but you probably won't get quite as many details.  So sorry.


Story of the World is our favorite history curriculum for the elementary and middle school crowd.  We've used it for 5 or 6 years, in a variety of ways.  We have done it independently; we have met with another family weekly to do the activities together; and we have done it in a homeschool classroom (at the school I created and directed).  While the Story of the World story book is WONDERFUL, don't forget the Activity Guide.  It is AMAZING.  Our kids' all-time favorite Story of the World activity was when they mummified a chicken.  Yes.  They did.  With oils and strips of linen.  It was sooo.... cool!!!

Before Story of the World was written, the author wrote The Well-Trained Mind.  In it, she had a great history plan which used Usborne history books as the main outline, and then supplemented with library books.  We really enjoyed this way of doing history, as well.  While the Usborne books are not written from a Christian perspective, and thus we don't agree with their "origins of man" ... we just explain to our children that we believe the Bible's account rather than the Usborne account of the beginnings of history.  Other than that, we LOVE the Usborne books.

Our older kids have fond memories of reading Christian Biographies for history class.  Our favorite series of biographies is the "Christian Heroes Then & Now" by YWAM publishing.  They have also, more recently, come out with "Heroes of History", along with Curriculum Guides for many of the books in these series.   Reading Christian Biographies gave our children not only a wide view of historical people, places, and cultures, but it also gave them a passion and vision for what God can do through ordinary people.  It helped them to envision themselves in different cultures, ministering to whomever the Lord led them to minister to.  I absolutely believe that by doing "history" this way, it actually changed the "history" of our own children's lives.  Four of our five older children have travelled the world, ministering to the poor and oppressed ... children of God ... in other lands.

This year, as I mentioned in an earlier post, we are EXCITED to be doing Sonlight History for the first time.  This is a WONDERFUL History course, based around classical literature.  It also uses Story of the World and Usborne books (things that we had already grown to love for History).

Another History Curriculum that I would recommend, even though we haven't personally used it, is any of the curriculum written by Diana Waring.  I have some of her curriculum, and have chatted with her over dinner while we were both speakers at a Homeschool Convention.  If we weren't doing Sonlight     this year, I would certainly be using Diana's curriculum  Just google her ... to get to her website.


What History Curriculums DON'T we recommend ...

While we have most of the ABeka History text books (and used them in our early years of homeschooling), we just believe that History can be so much more fun that just reading a chapter and answering questions.  ABeka was written for classroom use, and thus is not necessarily the BEST for homeschooling.  However, if you are looking for a traditional text with chapter questions, you won't go wrong with ABeka.  We have kept all of our ABeka books because we love WHAT they teach, just not the style.  So, we use them as reference books.

Science: Putting the Pieces Together

Just as we don't use the traditional textbook approach to History, we also don't use the traditional textbook approach to Science, until Jr. High or High School.  We think that Science is so much more than reading a chapter and answering the questions.

Science for our homeschooling crowd is ...

Trips to the ZOO.
(Buy an annual membership,
and it's not that expensive.)

Trips to the SCIENCE CENTER
(Another annual membership favorite.)

Trips to the BEACH
(We LOVE to find sea creatures.)

Backyard GARDENING
(Hosanna's project this year.)

Backyard BUG CATCHING
(One of Josiah & Elijah's favorite activities.)

BEE KEEPING with Papa
(Jeremiah used to be very involved with this.)

BLUEBERRY FARMING
(A large part of our Big Kids'
high school science experience.)

COOKING in the kitchen
(Which also incorporates Math.)


Add Library Books to all of the above SCIENCE EXPERIENCES ... and your kids will learn a LOT.  Our house is FILLED with Science-oriented books  ...

How to Make ________.

How Things Work

Animal Books

Kitchen Science Experiments


Again, Usborne books are a mainstay at our house ... filled with details and pictures (and many are even internet-linked for further study).

But .... what about preparing for college?  Okay.

For Jr. High and High School Science, we have been highly impressed with the Apologia Science curriculums.  It is very thorough, and written from a Christian perspective.  Because our older kids have all gone on to the Community College for their last years of high school, we haven't done the upper level Apologia Sciences (because they've been taking college science classes), but we've heard nothing but good reports about any of the Apologia Science courses.

Critical Thinking: Teaching Our Children to Use Their Minds

First of all, before focusing on the Critical Thinking curriculums, I would strongly encourage every homeschooler to read, "The Well-Trained Mind".  It really helped me to think about how to train my children's minds, rather than just teaching them a specific subject area.

Now, I would also recommend any of the books from The Critical Thinking Co.  These books are a WOW!  All of the following books are from The Critical Thinking Co. (and most come in either the workbook format, or a computer cd, which can be used with multiple students)


Building Thinking Skills is GREAT for all age levels.  Especially since we are not big test takers in our homeschooling, I think these books really helped my kids when they took the college entrance S.A.T., etc...  They sure brought back memories of my school age test taking days (looooong ago).

Reading Detective is very beneficial for those students that need work with their reading comprehension.  They even have Reading Detective Rx, which is designed for the older, struggling reader.  It has stories that appeal to the middle school child, with a lower reading level.

The Language Mechanic is the perfect supplement to any Language/Grammar program for 5th-7th grade students.  It helps the student to understand grammar in a very unique, logical  way.

You Decide! is a fun history supplement for 6th-12th grade.  Here is their description of this program:

"With You Decide! court is in session.  The honorable "judges", your children, will be asked to decide cases based on the first eight amendments to the Constitution.  Your children will sharpen their critical thinking skills and their legal and historical knowledge as they analyze the amendments, discover their origins, and rule on actual cases presented before the U.S. Supreme Court."

Doesn't that sound like FUN?  This is a "class" that is really fun to do with a group of homeschoolers.

The Scratch Your Brain series is a FUN supplement to any math curriculum.  It is especially good for those students that struggle with using math concepts in story problems ... but it is not a remedial course; it's good for all students.


So, I would encourage any homeschooler to jump on over to www.criticalthinking.com to find out what you might like to add to your child's educational plan for this year.

No ... I don't get paid to advertise for any of the companies that I recommend.  Wish I did.

Parenting Our Young Adult Children

My Bloggy Friend, Linny, wrote a great post last week about, "What If My Family Isn't Really Into "It"?"  She talked about families that feel God calling them to adopt; but they don't have family support.  What should they do?  While I absolutely agree with Linny on 99% of her post, several of her comments made me pause.

This is a topic that has been BIG in our lives the past few years, and it just got BIGGER with a recent situation.  Here are a few quotes from Linny's Blog Post ...

Now someone could say, "but scripture tells us to honor our parents."  True!  But honoring is showing respect, whether married or not.  It is not obeying.  When a person grows up and leaves home they are "out from under their parents 'rule'."  The only one we are to obey is God.  In fact scripture says, "It is better to obey God than man."  (Acts 5:29)


Please hear my heart.  It can be incredibly painful to not have family support.  ...  That being said, we cannot be content living our lives to make our parents or siblings "happy".  ...  The only one we are to please is God - period!!


If I were to be sitting down for coffee with Linny, I would ask her a few questions (and, just maybe, she'll answer them for us in the comments section) ...

#1  How about these verses:

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right."  Ephesians 6:1

"Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord."  Colossians 3:20

#2.  Where did you get the quote, "out from under their parents 'rule'"?  Is this in scripture?

#3  When you say, "when a person grows up and leaves home" ... does this mean that if my 17 year old goes off to college, he no longer has any obligation to listen to his parents?  How about if my 22 year old is living in my home?  She's an adult, but sleeping in her childhood bedroom.


I do not believe that by hitting the magic age of 18 or 21 that my "children" are then somehow released from the above verses.  I believe that it is at the time of marriage that we will be releasing our children into a marriage partnership where they will then be submitting to and honoring their marriage partner.  "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."  Genesis 2:24  (Also, as the young adults get older, there will obviously be more and more releasing ... even if they do not get married.)  However, as Linny points out, even once married our children should be showing honor to us, just as we should still be showing honor to our parents.


Now, Linny, I TOTALLY do hear your heart, and as I said, agree with you 99%.  For me, if I was talking to a married couple, I would absolutely agree with you.  But, what if it was an 18 year old girl that took a mission trip and decided to stay in a foreign country to raise a child she'd found living on the streets.  If her parents were committed and prayerful Christians, who had some serious specific concerns about what she was deciding to do, don't you think it would be good for her to really listen to her parents' concerns?  Doesn't the Bible call us to seek counsel from others?  Doesn't the Bible call older people to teach and guide the younger generation?

As I said, this is a topic that has been BIG in our lives the past few years.  We have 6 adult children (ages 19-25).  All of them are still single, and most of them have been living at home for a good portion of their adult lives (aside from when they are traveling the world, working for the Lord).

Now, here is how we have parented our adult children ...

We do NOT tell them what to do or not to do.

We do NOT tell them to obey us.

We DO tell them that they are adults,
and they must make the final decision.

However, there have been times that we have not felt comfortable with the decisions they were making; we have clearly given our opinion on what we felt that God had shown us about the situation; and we have made it clear that they were making their decisions without our blessing.

Sometimes, our adult children have changed their decision and decided to do what we recommended/suggested/strongly encouraged.

Other times, our adult children have gone ahead with the decision, even though they were fully aware that we did not believe it was God's best for their lives.

Now, we are NOT at all the type of parents that are trying to direct every step of our children's lives.  We have always encouraged them to follow their dreams and passions.  We have sent them off around the world, with our blessing.  We have sent one off to the military, and Iraq, with our blessing. We have NOT told them that they must ... attend college ... pursue a specific career ... stay home ... move out ... live in our town ... move out of town ...   We have really encouraged them to make their own decisions in most every area of their young adult lives.  However ... sometimes ... we have HUGE concerns about a particular decision.  What are we to do at those times?

Parents of Adult Children ... I would LOVE to hear how you walk this fine line.

Young Adults ... I would LOVE to hear your thoughts on this topic.

Parents of Young Children ... I'm sorry to tell you that parenting young adults is NOT necessarily easy.

So, let's look at some specific scenarios ...

What would you do, as the parent, or as the young adult???
(some of these scenarios are our own adult children, 
some are the adult children of friends of ours)

Finances

#1  21 yr. old wants to buy a car.  Has a job that within a couple of months could easily provide the cash for the car.  Prefers to spend money shopping at the mall and going out for coffee. Young adult (who is living at home, rent free.) wants to take out a car loan.  Parents strongly encourage young adult to pay cash for vehicle.  


Parents ... how would you respond if young adult took out car loan?


Young Adults ... would you take out the loan?




#2  20 yr. old wants to attend private college.  Parents agree to provide 1/3, if young adult will pay for 1/3, and then agree that taking a loan for 1/3 would be acceptable.  Young adult doesn't end up paying cash for their 1/3 and takes out larger loan without discussing with parents.


Parents ... how would you respond to break in agreement?


Young Adults ... what would you have done?



College

#3  20 yr. old wants to attend 2nd year at private college.  Parents have multiple solid reasons why this would not be God's best for the young adult, but tell the young adult that it ultimately is their decision.


Parents ... would you help pay for college if young adult decides to return?


Young Adults ... would you go, even if parents didn't want you to?




#4  20 yr. old wants to drop out of college to attend a ministry school.  Parents believe it would be best to return to the university this year.


Parents ... would you help pay for ministry school, if that was what young adult decided?


Young Adults ... would you return to the university, even if you wanted to go to the ministry school for a year?


Missions / Ministry

#5  18 yr old (who still lives at home) wants to go on short term mission trip.  Parents are fully supportive of missions, but for a variety of reasons do not believe this young adult should attend this mission trip.


Parents ... how would you respond if young adult decided to go?


Young Adults ... would you go, even if your parents didn't want you to?



Relationships

#6  18 yr old daughter (who still lives at home) is in a serious relationship where they are discussing marriage.  Parents become very concerned about the controlling nature of the young man.


Parents ... would you tell your daughter not to date him any more, or just let her decide because "she's an adult"?


Young Adults ... would you consider breaking off the relationship because of your parents' concerns, or would you say, "I can make my own decisions."




#7  20 yr. old daughter starts spending a lot of time with a young man.  Parents are concerned that neither young adult is ready for a serious relationship.  Young man asks father's permission to date daughter.  Father says, "Not right now." and explains why.  3 weeks later, young man asks father's permission to marry daughter (when he hasn't even gotten permission to date daughter).  Father says, "No." and explains why.  3 weeks later, young man and daughter announce to the world (through Facebook) that they are now "in a relationship".


Parents ... what would you do?  How would you respond?


Young Adults ... would you pursue a relationship, when your parents have very specific concerns?



Now ... these are Christian young adults, who are seeking the Lord for their lives.  And ... these are Christian parents, who are also seeking the Lord for their lives and the lives of their children.  What is the answer, when they both believe that they are "hearing from the Lord"?

Here is my belief.  I have shared this with my children, and I have shared this with friends who are walking the fine line with their young adult children.  Feel free to disagree ... I know that some of my own young adults disagree.  But, I would love to, respectfully, hear your thoughts on this.

I believe that ...

If the parents are actively seeking the Lord for wisdom in a situation for their single, young adult child, that the young adult should seriously consider doing what the parents feel is best in the situation.  I believe that, if the parents have been walking with the Lord for many years, they have deeper wisdom and that they can see the bigger picture than the young adult usually can.  I believe that young adults are to seek counsel from their elders, and that they should act upon the godly counsel that they receive.  And, I believe that even if the parents are wrong ... if the young adult really was hearing from the Lord, and the parents didn't, for whatever reason, hear clearly ... I believe that the Lord will BLESS the young adult abundantly, for their desire to honor and obey their parents, and to act upon the wisdom that their parents are imparting.

I know ... it may sound radical ... but that is what I truly believe.

I also believe that there is much parallel in a young single adult's relationship with their parents, and the marriage relationship ... and much can be learned from walking in right relationship with their parents, before they enter into a marriage relationship.

I believe that a husband and wife must respect, and seek to honor, each other (as the parent and young adult must).  I believe that the husband and wife must learn to seek the Lord wholeheartedly, together, as they make decisions.  I believe that it is best if the husband and wife can come to agreement in their decision making (just as it is best if a young adult and their parents can come to agreement).  However ... sometimes an agreement cannot be reached.  In the marriage relationship, I believe that the husband is the head of the house, and in that God-given role that the husband must make the ultimate decision.  "Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord."  Colossians 3:18 (And, yes, there have been times that my husband has made decisions that were fully against my wishes ... but I have honored him as he has made those decisions.  In 27 years, though, it has only happened 3 times, where we just were not in agreement about a major decision.)  In the same way, I believe that single young adult children should submit to their parents' guidance, even if/when they don't agree.  

No, I am not a control-freak.

No, I am not trying to "run my child's life".

Yes, I may be a bit "old fashioned".

But, I believe that this is what the scriptures call us to.

I look forward to hearing your thoughts on this.  I know it is a TOUGH issue, but I don't want to follow popular, worldly wisdom that says, "When they are adults, we must just let them do what they want to do."  No.  I believe that I am still called to be their parent ... to seek the Lord on their behalf ... and to give counsel when they are making life decisions.  The Bible does not define "child" as someone under 18 or under 21.  I will always be a child of God, just as my children will always be children of mine.

Again, I am not in any way using Linny's quote to speak disparagingly of her, but as a jumping off point for a blog post that has been percolating for a very long time.  I sincerely hope that Linny will jump into the discussion and let us know her thoughts.  I know that several of my young adult children will read her words and think, "Yea, Linny.  Preach it!"

Three Good Parenting Posts

I read three good Parenting Posts this weekend, that I wanted to pass along.  Just scroll over the person's name, and click the link to jump to their blog; or scroll over the name of the blog post, and click the link, to jump over to this specific post.


First of all Brent Riggs always has a LOT of great things to say about parenting.  On THIS POST he shared about an encounter he had with an older woman in a restaurant.  This woman was shocked that Brent chose to discipline his child in the restaurant (no, Brent didn't spank him ... he just appropriately made it clear that the behavior was unacceptable).  So, Brent got into quite the discussion ... with the woman ... in the restaurant ... about why it is important to teach our children to behave properly.


I love Brent's style ... of writing, and of discussions with strangers ... "Ma'am, I think the mean and awful thing is parents who let their kids behave like spoiled monsters and make everyone around them suffer while their child throws a temper tantrum.  ...  "


He goes on to share some Parenting Tips ... "First, because of consistent rules and discipline at home ... your kids should KNOW tantrums and pouting will not be allowed in public.  They KNOW they might get an INSTANT split second to knock off the tantrum or pouting ... if they are already being lead away from the table it's too late, they missed their chance."




The 2nd Parenting Post I read this weekend, was written by Corey.  She wrote of a wonderful visual analogy that she came up with to show her children that she loves them all the same ... whether younger or older, whether black or white, she has enough love for all of them.  I hope you'll read THIS POST to hear about Corey's creative teaching time: The Lesson of the Cups.  I know I'm going to tuck her idea away, for a time that it might be needed.




The 3rd Parenting Post was written by Amy.  She wrote about all of the positives about, "What being in a large family has taught us."  Amy concludes with, "Being in a large family, (we) have learned that life is all about relationships, not things.  (Our) relationships with each other, and (our) relationship with God."

What's NEW in the Big D Family's Homeschool?

This year, we are doing something NEW for homeschooling.  I have looked at this curriculum for about 15 years ... always very interested, but never the right timing for our crazy, busy family.  This year, though, we took the jump.  Even though our income is 1/4 what it was a year and a half ago ... we took the plunge and spent more on curriculum than we ever have (in 19 years of teaching our children at home).  But ... we are EXCITED!  


We took parts and pieces of our NEW curriculum on our Road Trip with us, but now we get to jump into ALL of it ... and it's a LOT of NEW stuff.  Yippee!


We are using the Sonlight Curriculum this year. Do any of you use it?  Do you have any hints, tips, or suggestions for us as we jump in with both feet (and our now empty wallet)?


We bought the American History for Ben; and Papa is very excited to be his primary teacher.  Papa LOVES teaching high school history.


We bought the Core 6 World History for Hosanna and Sarah.  Hosanna is such a little administrator, she has the two of them on task every day.  It looks like she'll be Sarah's primary teacher this year.  They did GREAT keeping up with all of their reading while we were on our Road Trip.


We bought the Core 1 World History for Josiah, Rachel, and Elijah, with the more advanced readers.  I am really excited about doing World History together with all 5 of the younger kids, alternating the read alouds between Core 1 and Core 6.  


All of the kids really enjoyed doing the read alouds while on the Road Trip.  I was reading one book, before bed when we were camping; while Carissa was reading another book aloud, while I was driving down the highways during the day.  I am really looking forward to hours of reading aloud ... while snuggled up on a couch ... out on our quiet island ... all through the winter.


While we did a lot of the reading on the Road Trip, next week we get to jump into the Sonlight science curriculums and language arts curriculums that come with the Core History Curriculum.  I am not much of a science person, but am really excited about the science I get to do with the 5 younger kids.


Along with our NEW Sonlight Curriculum...


All of the kids are using Saxon Math this year.  


Elijah and Rachel are doing Saxon 2, and are excited about all of the manipulatives that come with that set. I think it will be especially helpful for Rachel, as she still struggles with the concepts behind math problems that she learned through rote memorization while in Ghana.


Josiah is doing Saxon 5/4 this year, and is really excited about the DIVE CD that he gets to use on the NEW (used) iMac computer that we bought from Craigs*list while we were on our Road Trip.  I think he's more excited about the new "kid's computer" than the math, but whatever works to get the kids excited about school work.


Sarah has Saxon 6/5; Hosanna has Saxon 7/6; and Ben has Saxon Algebra 1/2. They will all be using the DIVE CDs on the computer, as well.


All of the kids are also using Wordly Wise 3000 (2nd edition), to supplement their Sonlight Language Arts.


I think these programs will work well for all of the kids, and we are excited for something NEW this year.  Woo hoo!!!


I would love to hear from any of you that have used or are using Sonlight.  It's a bit overwhelming, so I would love some personal tips for the teacher.

A Quick Note

If you already read the previous post about Homeschooling in an Untypical Fashion ... I just added a large summary paragraph at the end, which summarizes TWO of the BIG changes we will have this year (in addition to moving to a quiet island).

Homeschooling ... in a Most Untypical Fashion

As I look back over the last 19 years of homeschooling, I am in awe of all that has changed, yet all that has stayed the same.  I don't think our homeschooling has ever looked like the "typical homeschooling family"; but, it has worked for us.  And, this year, actually ... I'm excited for it to be more "typical" than it has ever been.

When I think of a "typical" homeschooling family (if there is such a thing) I picture a mom with 4 or 5 children, sitting around the dining room table most of the day, working quietly together.  The afternoon is spent baking cookies together, before preparing dinner for the hard-working Papa that will be home at 5:00.  Evenings are spent reading books and playing games, before Family Devotions.  Then, children in bed by 8:00, so that Papa and Mama can have some "quiet time" together.  While I love the sound of such a life, that has not exactly been what homeschooling has looked like for the Big D Family.

1990  ...  we moved to an old farm, and I started teaching my children at home when the oldest 6 were just 7, 5, 4, 2, 2, 1.  (Now they are all young adults.)  The first semester, I tried to run things just like a little school house.  Everything was scheduled.  We started the school day at 9:00, with everyone around the dining table, and Mama (in her denim jumper) at the chalkboard.  We had P.E. at 10:15, and lunch at 12:00.  We had a program for every subject, including P.E. and Music.

By Christmas ... I was totally burned out.  Who did I think I was, trying to "do school" at home with a first grader, a kindergartner, a preschooler, 2 toddlers, and a baby???  (Oh ... yea ... I also started homeschooling when I was still waitressing at night, and getting home at 1:00 a.m.)  I was exhausted and didn't know how I was going to keep it up.

Second semester, I decided to "just wing it".  I thought, "I'll be an unschooler.  I'll just let learning happen."  Guess what?  Not much learning took place, I'm afraid.

1991  ...  by the Fall of our 2nd year of homeschooling, I figured out that there needed to be a balance.  Homeschooling didn't really have to look like "school"; but, education did need to take place.  We quickly got into a better and smoother mode of educating our children at home.  We had structured workbooks and textbooks for math and language arts, while we did a lot of hands-on stuff for science, with library books for history.

1993  ...  another baby (#7) ... another move ... a Homeschooling Business that kept Papa & Mama pretty busy (supervising 25+ homeschooled high schoolers as part of a Private Extension School).  Papa continued to teach full-time, too, while I ran the business from home.  I also taught a homeschooling class for younger kids, with about 4 other families, that met weekly at our house for cooking, writing, drama, and art.  Super Busy, but Super Fun!

1996  ... another baby (#8) ... another move ... still working the Homeschooling Business.  Always trying new things with the kids.  More science and art, while sticking to our tried and true textbooks and workbooks for math and language arts.  The older kids took a few classes at the local school down the block from our new house this year.

1997  ... Papa was still teaching full-time.  Papa was going to grad school out-of-town every other weekend.  I was working 2 home businesses.  (I added Creative Memories Scrapbooking Consultant to my life.)  But, homeschooling was still taking place.  Our children were still learning.

1998  ... we had a serious car accident.  I could hardly do anything for 6 months (no laundry, no dishes, no sweeping, no vacuuming).  The children stepped up and took over most of the household duties.  But, homeschooling continued to happen, while I sat in my rocking chair.  My children continued to learn.  We grew closer as a family.  Jeremiah played in the band at the local elementary school (and had the same band teacher that I'd had 25 years before, when I lived in another town).  Gregg & Cassie sang in the choir and did sports at the local Jr. High.

1999  ... another move for our family.  Papa moved 150 miles away, while I stayed behind with the children to sell the house.  Papa came home on the weekends.  The house was on the market for 9 months.  I was pregnant those same 9 months.  I was homeschooling 8 children, and dealing with my most difficult pregnancy yet.  But, my children continued to learn.  We continued to grow as a family.

2000 ...  we moved to a blueberry farm.  We had a very sick newborn (#9) for several months.  We all learned how to farm.  Papa worked the farm, while still teaching school full-time.  The bigger kids learned to work the farm.  Schooling still happened.  My children continued to learn.  We focused our history lessons on Christian biographies.  Our children began to dream about where they could go, and what they could do for the Lord.

2002 ...  another newborn (#10) ... a major financial set-back ... another move ... I had to find a part-time job.  I worked at the Christian Bookstore; but, we kept on with our homeschooling.

2004 ...  I worked part-time as I created and directed a school for homeschoolers, while continuing to homeschool 5 kids and take care of a toddler and a baby.  We also had 2 children at the local community college, and 1 serving in Iraq with the U.S. Army.

2005 - 2008  ...  I worked almost full-time.  My "school for homeschoolers" grew to 185 students and 20 staff members.  But, I continued to teach my children at home (with supplemental classes at our school). Papa worked full-time at our school, and we rotated our hours at home and at work, so that we could continue being our children's primary teachers at home.

2008  ...  we brought 3 children home from Africa ... Mama stopped working ... we had our most difficult year of homeschooling yet, as we worked through our new children's educational challenges.  But, our children kept learning.  We kept growing closer as a family.

2009  ...

...  we're moving again
...  to a quiet island
...  with only 6 children

...  Mama is not working outside the home.
...  Mama is not having another baby.
...  Mama is not bringing more children home from Africa.

...  Mama is EXCITED about our homeschooling this year.  
...  We are doing something NEW.
...   a whole NEW plan
...   a whole NEW curriculum
...   a whole NEW homeschooling lifestyle

I'm looking forward to spending more hours

around the dining table with my children.

I'm looking forward to more quiet afternoons

for baking cookies before preparing dinner for Papa.

I'm looking forward to quiet evenings of game playing

before Family Devotions.

Yes, "typical" sounds quite nice and refreshing this year.

...  a new year

...  a new home

...  a new community

...  a new homeschool curriculum

...  a time of new beginnings for our family

I gotta tell ya ... along with Mama not working outside the home this year (I worked outside the home for 7 of the past 8 years), the BIGGEST change will be the "quiet time with Papa in the evenings".  Seriously.  While I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE all of my adult children ... we are moving to the island without any of them.  We have had adult children living in our home for the past 6 years (with 5 adult children living at home this past summer).  Adult children bring with them ...  FUN ... schedules to keep up with ... $$$ issues to help solve ... drama in relationships ... late night talks with Mama (which I will MISS terribly).  ALL children take time (yes, we knew that when we chose to have 13 children).  But, after having 12 children living at home, things will be pretty quiet out on our island with only 6 children.  We'll still keep in touch with the big kids, (and they'd better come visit) but I AM looking forward to more focused time with the 6 younger children.  Yes I am.  It's been 16 years since I've "only" had 6 children at home (and I had babies and toddlers then).  Now ... I will be homeschooling 6 children, that all know how to read, with no babies and toddlers.  Wow!  What fun!  My 6 older children had ALL of my attention for many years (without me working outside the home, and without adult children living in the home).  Now, my 6 younger children deserve the same attention.

Teaching My Kids At Home

My Bloggy Friend, Lisa, wrote a post on ...

Thinking About Homeschooling?

a couple of days ago, and I thought that would be a great topic to transition into now that we're home from our Cross-Country Road Trip (see archives), and full speed ahead in our Homeschooling mode.

Lisa has 11 children.

We have 13.

Lisa has been homeschooling since Sept. 1991.

We started our journey in Sept. 1990.

Lisa's oldest 5 are  22, 20, 18, 16, 14.

Our oldest 5 are 25, 24, 22, 20, 20.

With all of those similarities, I wasn't surprised at all that our 3 main objectives for why our families originally chose to homeschool (and continue to homeschool) are the same.  Here are Lisa's 3 primary reasons for choosing a homeschooling lifestyle for her family:

#1  We want to provide our children with a distinctly Christian education.  This means we want to pray with them, read the Bible with them, instruct them in God's ways, incorporate Bible study into their education, and so much more.  We want our children to know Church History, the stories of great missionaries and heroes of the Christian faith, and our own life of faith as a family.

2.  We want our family to be tightly-knit and our children to be not only siblings, but the closest of friends.  We want our children to be family-oriented rather than peer-oriented.  ...  Now that our five oldest children are 22, 20, 18, 16, 14, I can say with confidence that this part of our vision is being fulfilled and I give great thanks to God.

3.  We want to customize our children's education to suit their specific needs, interests, and goals.  This is the fun part of homeschooling, when you get to look at your child and ask yourself, "What are her gifts and talents?  How much time ( and money) can we devote toward developing this gift?"  It is also an opportunity to look at our children's weaknesses and ask ourselves how we can help them overcome those areas.  These may be academic, character, or spiritual weaknesses, but as parents, we want to devote ourselves to helping our children grow past them.

I couldn't have said it better.  So, I didn't try.  Seriously, those are our exact reasons for homeschooling.  I have answered the question of why we homeschool, so many times, and I often use the same exact wording that Lisa used.

I'd love to do a variety of posts about homeschooling.  Do you have any questions for me?  Specific homeschooling topics?  Thoughts or ideas about homeschooling?  Let me know ...



You might want to pop back to THIS POST , that I wrote a year ago, about "Why Do We Teach Our Children At Home", or look in the archives for more posts about Homeschooling.