Is It Right to Share the TOUGH Stuff Publicly?

I got a note from a "concerned reader" this evening.  We attended church together 15 - 20 years ago; but, I haven't heard from her in at least 12 years.  I will be responding to her privately, but I also wanted to talk openly about the issue, since others of you might have the same questions/concerns.


I appreciate personal emails.  


I take all of your questions/concerns to heart.  


I discuss them with Papa, if need be 
(as I did with tonight's concerns).  


Yes.  I take your questions/concerns very seriously.




Tonight's "concerned reader" told me that she ...


"Came across (my) blog sometime last summer and have been looking on with increasing alarm, particularly since this past fall."


Increasing Alarm?!?!  For months?!?!  Why didn't she ever let me know that she had found my blog?  Just a quick note would have been so nice ...


She went on to tell me to ...


"Drop the blog.  ...   It is heartbreaking to see the D. marriage/family unraveling so publicly.  You all don't need an audience; it served its purpose with regard to the adoptions."


So many thoughts.


So many responses.


Where do I start?




"the D. marriage/family unraveling"


First of all ... the D. marriage/family is NOT "unraveling".  Yes, we are walking through a very difficult time.  But, we love each other dearly and we are 110% committed to working through our current situation.  I apologize if you have interpreted any of my recent posts as saying that our family was becoming unraveled ... falling apart.  Yes, we are walking through a crisis.  But, that does not mean that our marriage is at the end of its rope.  


Hmmm ???  New analogy.  Okay.  Maybe we were at the end of the rope.  But, we have a big, strong knot at the end of the rope and we are pulling ourselves back up (with the Lord's help).  And, when we got to the end of the rope, never once did either of us consider letting go.  No.  We held on tight, knowing that the Lord desired us to climb back up the rope.


Papa and I have loved each other for almost 30 years.  For most of those years we have had a GREAT marriage.  I sincerely apologize if I somehow implied that we were ready to "call it quits" ... that was not at all the intention of any of my recent blog posts. 




"unraveling so publicly"


Okay.  I understand your concerns.  But, while I have shared that we are in crisis, I have been very careful not to "air my dirty laundry".  I have in no way desired to malign my dear husband's character, nor to defame his reputation.  Papa has read all of my blog posts.  He is in complete agreement with what I have written.  


Papa has admitted that ...


After 8 months of living apart (while he ministered on the island), it became clearer and clearer that Jim and I were not only physically separated, but that he had become emotionally detached from his marriage and his family, as well.  This was, obviously, a devastating reality to face.  For a year and a half, he had given all of his time, energy, and emotions to his church family ... leaving nothing for his family at home.


Jim has confessed.  He has repented.  As soon as he realized the depth of his emotional detachment, he quit his job and came home immediately.  This ministry position was HARD.  Jim gave it 110% for 16 months.  It would have been a difficult position even if the children and I had been able to move to the island.  But, for whatever reason, the Lord did not allow for that to happen.  


We KNOW that the Lord called Jim to minister there.  We KNOW that the Lord allowed us to walk through such a difficult time.  We may not understand the "why's" behind everything that has happened; but we are certainly trusting the Lord to use all of the TOUGH stuff for His good ... for His glory.


Why is it wrong to share this publicly?  We have always wanted this blog to be a place of honesty ... a place that we can share our hearts with like-minded people ... a place that we can minister to others.




"you all don't need an audience.  It (the blog) served its purpose with regard to the adoptions"


This comment leads us to reevaluate and reiterate what the purpose of our blog is.  At the top of our blog, we share why this blog began, and what it has evolved into:


F.A.I.T.H. : Fantastic Adventure In Trusting Him


THIS BLOG BEGAN AS A WAY TO SHARE THE FAITH STORY OF OUR GHANAIAN ADOPTION WITH OUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY. IT HAS EVOLVED INTO A FORMAT TO SHARE THE JOYS AND TRIALS OF LIVING A FAITH-FILLED LIFE AS THE PARENTS OF AN EXTRA LARGE HOMESCHOOLING FAMILY, AND TO ENCOURAGE OTHERS TO LIVE THEIR LIVES AS AN ADVENTURE OF FAITH, AS WELL.

We want to "share the joys and trials of living a faith-filled life".  We don't want our blog to be a "Fairy Tale" ... all smiles and roses.  We want to share both the good and the bad ... the fun and the tough ... the sunshine and the mud puddles. 


In the right side bar, I share what my goals/desires for the Journey of Faith ministry are:




My passion for my ministry is to ...

... encourage women as they seek the Lord in their daily lives.

... encourage wives to selflessly love their husbands.

... encourage moms to train up their children to love and serve the Lord.

... encourage single women to wait patiently, as the Lord prepares them for their time to be a wife and mother.

I believe that I am most able to minister to other women because of my honesty ... because of my willingness to share the good and the bad ... because of my ability to admit that some days I can be found sitting in a Mud Puddle.


In order to "encourage women as they seek the Lord" ... I must be seeking the Lord, through the good days and the bad days.


In order to "encourage wives to selflessly love their husbands" ... I must be selflessly loving my husband, through the good times and the bad times.


In order to "encourage single women ... as the Lord prepares them for their time to be a wife" ... I must share with them that being a wife is NOT always easy ... it is NOT a "happily-ever-after" Fairy Tale.


I get quite a few personal emails from women that read my blog.  Some write to me to let me know that they are praying for me; while others write to me to ask for prayer.


Just today, I got an email from a woman who shared some devastating things that are happening in her marriage.  She knew that I was a safe person to share with.  She doesn't have anyone in her everyday life to walk through her crisis with ... but she knew that Mama D. would listen.  She knew that Mama D. would pray for her.  She knew that Mama D. would understand what it feels like to sit, crying in a mud puddle.


No.  I can't apologize for "going public" ... I don't believe this blog will have served its purpose if I fail to be honest with my readers.


I will continue to share my life with you (the good and the bad).


I will continue to pray for the Lord's discernment about what to share ... how much detail to share.


I will continue to get Papa's input as to what he is comfortable with me sharing.


And, I pray that the Lord will continue to use this blog as a way to minister for Him ... a place to share my heart ... an open door for others to share their hearts with me.


I hope that you will continue to write to me if you have questions or concerns about my blog, my life, my marriage, my family.  I do take your concerns very seriously ... even if I don't agree with the course of action that you believe I should take (to shut down the blog).


I am sorry if you feel I have "crossed the line" about what is appropriate to share about our personal family crisis.  I know that it is a very fine line to walk. Yet, while I understand that some of you are concerned about my sharing of these things publicly, I believe that many more of you have been ministered to because I have chosen to share publicly.  


Truly ... I just want the LORD to be glorified in all that I do and say ... may HIS light shine through this blog, even if/when Mama is sitting in a Mud Puddle.