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Monday, March 28, 2011
A Difficult Decision
When I had my ultrasound last Wednesday, I was told that my miscarriage was more than just a lack of heartbeat, it was a case of a non-developing baby. While I appreciated several of you who shared stories of being told that a baby had died (due to lack of heartbeat), only to find out later that it hadn't, the doctor was certain this was not the case.
I was given 3 options:
#1 Wait for my body to naturally miscarry.
#2 Take medication to induce the process of miscarriage.
#3 Have a surgical D & C to complete the miscarriage.
The doctor didn't have any medical preference for me; she said it was fully up to me to make the decision.
Since I knew how Crazy Busy things were going to be for the next several days, I decided to take the "wait and see" approach. I would see if things progressed naturally; and, if not, make a decision after the Crazy Busy weekend.
Yesterday, after the last of the company were on their way home, Papa and I did have some time together ... time to just BE together ... time to grieve together ... time to process together. We went to the beach and took a walk. We went out to dinner at our favorite Mexican Restaurant. We came home, snuggled up, and watched a movie together. It was good.
Then ... I was ready to make the decision.
I had had a few signs of natural miscarriage ... enough to confirm to me that, yes, my baby had died.
Having had a D & C 19 years ago, I didn't really see a need for heading to the hospital for surgery.
So, I took the medication. And waited ...
I had a bit of cramping, but not much "action".
Six hours later (at 2:00 am), I took the 2nd dose.
The induction of the miscarriage didn't take long.
I really had no idea what I was going to experience. It was far worse than I ever imagined.
I hardly slept all night.
I had never experienced cramping like this before.
Several hours later ... the bleeding began (sorry to be graphic, but there is no other way to describe what is happening today).
Nothing can describe the hours and hours of pain ... the mad rush to the bathroom ... and the mess. (I could get really graphic here ... but I won't. Just trust me, it's BAD. Let's just say, I have a pile of clothes and towels that will be thrown away.)
Sadly, my doctor really did not prepare me in the decision-making process. Pain ... I can handle. Mess ... not so much. Oh how I wish that I had just gone in for a D & C.
I have done some internet reading today, and wish that I had done it before making the decision. What I am experiencing is pretty normal, with this medication. Not fun ... but normal. It can last for hours ... or days ... or weeks. I am praying for a speedy process.
Please pray for me today and tomorrow, as I stay in bed and continue to walk through the miscarriage process. It is ... So. Not. Fun. ... physically or emotionally.
Update: Papa just asked if I need a diaper. I'm seriously considering sending him to the store to buy me some Depends. I don't know what else to do. Ugh! Have any of you ever taken medication to induce a miscarriage? I just had no idea what to expect.