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Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Feeling a Little Like Moses
When walking through trials, I've always "held on", knowing that a new day would come.
When battling the storms of life, I've always "stayed strong", knowing that the rain would stop and the sun would shine again one day.
I've begun to wonder ...
Will a "New Day" ever come for our family?
Will the rain every stop?
Will the sun ever shine down on us again?
How many years did Moses walk in the desert ... leading the way to the Promised Land?
How many years will we walk through crisis ... after crisis ... after crisis ... hoping for a Promised Land?
You know what? Moses never made it to the Promised Land. No. He died out there in the desert.
I have to wonder ... will we ever make it to any type of Promised Land for our family ... or will we continue to walk in the desert (battling one crisis after another) until the end of our days?
I know that the Lord has never promised us a "happily ever after".
I know that the Lord has walked with us each and every step of the way ... in each and every crisis.
I am not, in any way, doubting my faith.
I'm just tired.
Exhausted ... from the storms of life that have battled our family continually for the past 3 1/2 years.
A very difficult adoption process.
The transition of adding 3 children to the family.
The loss of my job, due to a political "mess" in our school district.
The realities of R.A.D. (Reactive Attachment Disorder).
Our Adoption Crisis.
Papa's career transition.
False Accusations and the C.P.S. Case.
Living apart from Papa for much too long.
Our Marriage Crisis.
And ... now ...
... the loss of this precious child,
that we thought was ...
... the promise of a New Day for our family.
... the first step into our Promised Land.
... the first ray of sunshine after the storms.
Seriously. I'm beginning to lose hope that there will ever be a Promised Land for our family.
Must I resign myself to living in Crisis Mode for the rest of my years?
Crying out to the LORD tonight ...