Adoption TOUGH Stuff

I read a couple of blog posts today, written by mamas in the trenches ... mamas in the battlefield of parenting kids who's lives have been ripped apart by trauma.


My heart is burdened tonight for these mamas ... and all of the other mamas walking this journey.  Please join me in prayer.  I'm sure they'd love an encouraging word on their blogs, as well, if you'll take a minute or two to pop over to read their whole posts.




Jillian ... at Rooted in Love ... wrote THIS POST a couple of days ago.  One of her adopted sons is currently in a Residential Treatment Center (RTC).  She is battling with her insurance company to pay for extended care for him, in order to protect himself and others.  This week, Jillian unexpectedly had a flashback.  Jillian is suffering from PTSD caused by her experiences as an adoptive mother of a traumatized child.


" I literally stumbled back a few steps, and grabbed for something to balance me. Flashes of blood on the wall, poop on the sink, I couldn't even see my own image in the mirror. His eyes when they are filled with rage and the child is "gone" and only trauma and anger remain, his fist coming at my face, the smack across my arms, the bite on my leg, the pee stained walls, the broken window locks, his breath, his sound, his scream, his threats against me, his homemade weapons, my entire body felt weighted, almost as if held hostage to a horror movie ... "


Please pray for Jillian and her family.  My heart goes out to her.  My heart grieves with hers, as only another mother who has walked a journey with a traumatized child can.




Tisha ... over at Deutschland ... wrote THIS POST today.  She says, "if I were facilitating adoption training what would I want to share with people to help them prepare themselves for what may lie ahead?"  I think that her post is not only helpful for parents considering adoption, but that it might be very helpful for non-adoptive parents who just cannot understand the life that their adoptive friends are now living.  Here are a few of the things that Tisha shared:


"the adoption may expose parts of themselves to themselves that they did not know existed ..."


"the compassion that carried you through the process may quickly fade."


"just because your adopted children have suffered huge, traumatic losses does not mean that your struggles are any less significant. ..."


"you will be shocked to discover that if you have biological children your feelings and emotions toward your adopted children are not at all the same. ..."


"Your journey may be 2 steps forward - sometimes 3 or 4 or 20 back. ..."


"You may question God's presence in your lives and wonder if you did indeed understand His will for you correctly. ..."


I so appreciate Tisha's transparency ... her honesty about the TOUGH stuff that many adoptive parents want to keep "hush-hush" about.  It is NOT a sin to admit, "I just don't love this child the same as my bio. children."  It is, actually, very common when you have adopted a child from HARD places.


Thanks, Tisha, for keeping things real!




Lastly, I want to ask that you pray for my friend, Sarah.  She is walking through a TOUGH time.  One of her 16 children is living in a group home right now, because it is unsafe for her to live at home.  So hard.  Sarah's post today didn't go into details, but it showed the pain she walks through day by day.  I thought I would just give you an excerpt from a POST she wrote a month ago ... because it still conveys what she is walking through today.


"On this day I am feeling a little lost and confused.  I am sad and wondering why I let so much of my life and the lives of my children be wasted by one child's trauma and drama. Yet I find myself with another child facing similar behaviors. Perhaps its because this sibling didn't get attention during those years of dealing with Sophie and now he feels that he needs to monopolize all the negative attention we have to give. Or maybe its because we were just too busy to notice the really obnoxious things he does, or the way that he can't let anything go, or the anger that he has.

And at the same time of feeling angry at RAD and feeling depressed about the chaos it ensues... I find myself missing Sophie so much. We buy her minutes for her cell phone so that she can text me when she wants. And typically that's several times a day, each and everyday. Well two days ago after the long day of attachment therapy she ran out of minutes. And so its been two days since I have talked to her. And I freaking miss her. She is my daughter and I miss her even if she causes chaos and nearly ruined my marriage. I still love her and we still definitely have a strong connection to one another despite the RAD. I keep finding myself caught up in the thought of having to go and get her a new phone card because she is now living at a strangers house and what if she needs me? It hurts. It sucks."


I hope you will pop over and show some lovin' to Sarah.  She is an awesome Mama to 16, who could really use our support and prayers.