Are You Affirming Your Husband?

I told you on Monday about the DRAMATIC change in our marriage that was brought about by simply following a little tip from Craig Groeschel's book, "Weird: Because normal isn't working."


We wives usually like to read about all of the things our husbands should be doing for us.  But, I would be remiss if I failed to share with you what Craig says that we WIVES must be doing.


"Ladies, just as you need to be affirmed with words of affection, your man needs to be affirmed with words of affirmation.  He may seem confident to many, but most men (including me) are pathetically insecure.  ...  For men, our self-worth often evaporates with our last accomplishment.


In so many ways, a husband is in the process of becoming what his wife sees in him.  Since she knows him better than anyone else, if she says he's no good, he's tempted to believe it.  If she thinks he's amazing, he'll start to believe he can accomplish a lot. ...


Ladies, you'll probably want to know, "Does he love me today?"  (Men, tell her and tell her why.)  At the same time, men want to know, "Do you believe in me today?"  (Ladies, tell him.)"

Marriage is definitely a two-way street.  We are all responsible to do our part.

In the midst of the darkest days of our Marriage Crisis, I could have easily said to Jim, 

"You jerk."

"How could you be so stupid?"

"I'm outta here."

But ... I didn't.

Instead, I CHOSE to respond in love.

"I love you."

"I'm committed to you."

"We can get through this."

"I believe we can have a better marriage than we've ever had before."  (and, ours has been pretty darn good over the years)

During the long months of unemployment, I could have responded,

"How are we ever going to pay our bills 
 now that you quit your job?"

"You're never going to get a good job again."

"Why aren't you providing for your family?"

But ... instead ... I CHOSE to be supportive.

"Do you want to go back into teaching?"

"How can I help?"

"What do you need ME to do for you?"

"Do you want ME to get a part-time job?"

"We KNOW that the LORD is our provider.  We will trust in HIM."

Now, don't get me wrong.  I am certainly not perfect; and I have not been the perfect wife this year.  But ... more often than not ... I have made the CHOICE to respond in love.  I have made the CHOICE not to belittle my husband, even if/when I have been REALLY frustrated with him.

If I had made the wrong choice ... if I had chosen to call names ... if I had chosen to fill our conversations with disparaging remarks ... I do not believe that our marriage would be working on its  Restoration Project  now.

How about YOU?  

How do YOU show affirmation for your husband?  

Do you regularly tell him ... specifically ... how much you love him, respect him, and believe in him?  

If not, why not?

I know that I need to do a better job of this, and I am purposing to make the change NOW.  

Won't you join me in committing to making your marriage better?




This week, I have told Jim,




"Thank you ... for working so very hard to provide for us.  I appreciate ALL of the extra hours you are putting in."  (I have told him this on multiple days, so that he REALLY KNOWS how much I appreciate it.)


"Thank you ... for making the effort to work on our marriage, for being committed to the Restoration Project."


"Thank you ... for all of the sticky notes on the bathroom mirror, and the sweet card one morning.






What words of Affirmation have you given your husband (or words of love for your wife) this week?




I'm going to go right now and write a note for Jim to find on the bathroom mirror, telling him that I appreciate him.






Update:


Just a short time after posting this, I picked up a new book to peruse it for a few minutes before bed.  Wow!  I am excited to dig in to ... "What's it Like to be Married to Me?"


Two quotes POPPED out at me tonight, that I just had to add to this post.




"If you treat a man as he is, he will stay as he is.  If you treat him as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become that bigger and better man."  Johann Wolfgang von Goethe




"Accepting each other makes a stable marriage.  Appreciating each other, however, makes a sensational marriage."   Brett Selby




Weren't those great?  


Isn't the LORD great, that He would show me those quotes just after posting this?


I want a Sensational Marriage.  How about YOU?




I can hardly wait to dig into this book so that I can share more with you.  I think it's going to challenge us.