Be Still My Mind

Sorry I've been out of touch.  (smile)  


When I go a few days without chatting with my Bloggy Friends, I feel a bit lost.


After last week's Busy Birthday Week, I headed off to the Refresh Conference (for adoptive & foster parents) on Friday and Saturday.  It was EXCELLENT!  (more details to come ...)


Anyway ... it is Tuesday night. (midnight)


I don't have a lot on my calendar this week. (besides the every day 24/7 busyness of being a homeschooling mama of a dozen children)


But ... my head is SPINNING.


I should be in bed, sleeping next to my sweet husband.  


But ... instead ... my mind is racing and doesn't quite know where to stop.  


So ... I thought I just might need to "chat" with all of my Bloggy Buddies. (because I know you'll pray for me)


So ... what's on my mind/heart?  (in no particular order ... certainly not in order of importance ... but in the order that I can chase down my racing mind and catch a few thoughts)




1.  Finances  


We had to pay our State Taxes today (for Papa's Painting Business).  This took a good chunk out of our remaining savings account.  Not fun!


We have another Wedding in a week and a half.  If you are counting, this is our 4th child to get married in 14 months.  We have so desperately desired to help our children financially for their weddings.  But, once again, we have very little to share.  Just makes us sad.


Never in our worst nightmares could we have imagined that Papa could not find any work. It has been a full 4 months since he's worked, and he has applied everywhere.  We have about 6 weeks worth of funds left in the bank.




2.  Job Possibilities


Papa and I go back and forth ... Do we stay here?  Do we look for jobs across the country?  What do we do if he gets a job and we can't sell our house?  (I do not believe our family could survive another nightmare like the 16 months that Papa was pastoring on the island. Little Miss just cannot "lose" another parent.)


When I had 2 good job prospects, we decided that if I got either job we would stay here.  I would commit to a full-time job, and Jim would find something to "make up the difference" financially.


When I didn't get either job (although I was #2 of 25 applicants for 1 of the jobs), we began looking elsewhere again.


Jim had a phone interview a week or so ago for a full-time ministry position in a town about 75 miles from here.  It sounds interesting; but it doesn't sound like they will actually be hiring for another 5 or 6 months.


This week, we have found 3 potential jobs ... all of them requiring a move:


Job #1 is a full-time ministry job about 150 miles from here (in a town we would LOVE to live in).


Job #2 is a teaching job at a private school in San Antonio, TX.


Job #3 is a school "chaplain" job at a private school in Houston, TX.




3.  Parenting Challenges


First of all, I've got a LOT on my mind as I process all that I heard/learned at the adoption conference.  While it was GOOD, it was definitely heavy for me, too.  I haven't even been able to pull out my notes yet, to tell Jim about the weekend.  Too heavy.  Too much to process.


We are hoping to enroll Little Miss in a small private school.  It's been a process.  Tonight a wrinkle got thrown into the plan.  Phone calls must be made tomorrow.  Do we still want her at the small private school, or should we just enroll her in the school down the street?


Ongoing Big Kid challenges.  So sad.  So hard.  Much prayer still needed.




4.  Church Challenges


Our young ones really enjoy Sunday School.


Our teens really enjoy Youth Group (on Sundays and Wednesdays), and we REALLY appreciate how the program is run.


But ... we have been attending this church for a full year, and Papa and I are not connected at all.  It is a LONELY place for us.  We so wish that our church had small groups to join ... ways to connect besides "women's groups" and "men's groups".  We so want to learn and grow together, and have friendships together.  We don't really want any more separateness at this point in our lives.  (We also don't want Dad gone 1 night and Mom gone another night, since Dad is already gone 1 night/week for Bible Study Fellowship.  And ... church is in The City, so we don't want to drive to The City everyday.)




5.  Takin' Care of Mama


I was so excited to lose 30# in the fall of 2010.  Then came ...


... the marriage crisis.
... the pregnancy.
... the miscarriage.
... the big kid relationship crisis.
... the stress of unemployment.


Sadly, Mama has not been taking care of herself.  I have gained back almost every pound of the 30 that I lost.  And ... now I need a Mother of the Groom dress and am too afraid to even try on the 3 outfits I bought for the last 3 weddings.  Ugh!  Anyone got any "lose 10 pounds in 10 days" ideas ???




6.  Age


This was really not a good time for Mama to turn 50.  Nope.  I don't like it one bit.  I have way too much on my plate to add the stress of thinking about being 50.  I am laughing when I say this.  But ...


This is not where I thought our marriage would be after 30 years.


This is not where I thought Jim's career would be after 30 years.


This is not where I dreamed my relationships with my young adult children would be.


This is not where I thought we would be with church and friends at this point in our lives.


This is not how I wanted to look and feel at 50.








Okay.  


Sorry to dump.


I'm not depressed or anything.  


I've just got a LOT on my mind, and would appreciate prayers.


Thanks for Listening!  (smile)