The Do's and Don'ts of Having a Baby

I was chatting with Kayla, my new daughter-in-love, this past weekend, and sharing funny birth-day stories, as she is preparing for the birth of our first grandchild.  I told her that I would write a list for her and Gregg of the Do's & Don'ts of your child's birth-day.  And, since I was reminded of some funny stories ... I thought I would share with you, as well.




Gregg, since you are so very much like your father, I thought I had better write you a short list of "What-To-D0" and, therefore, "What-Not-To-Do".




#1  When Kayla says, "Please call the nurse." ... she wants you to push the bedside button which will "call" the nurse.  She does NOT want you to leave the room to find the nurse, leaving her all alone during a hard contraction.


When Gregg (baby #1) was born, I asked Jim to "call the nurse" and he disappeared on me for what seemed like a very long time (probably only a few short minutes).  I was not too happy that he wasn't with me to hold my hand to calm me while I had a hard contraction.




#2  When Kayla says, "This is it.  I think this is real."  Don't just shrug your shoulders and head to bed.  I know.  I know.  There can be many false contractions before the actual day ... but your wife needs to know that you believe her.


When Cassie (baby #2) was born, I came home from work at 6:00 ... made dinner ... put Gregg (age 14 months) to bed ... sat down on the couch ... and said, "I REALLY think this is it."  Jim went to bed ... only to be awoken an hour or two later with, "Please call the babysitter for Gregg.  We should go to the hospital."  I got to the hospital about midnight and Cassie was born at about 1:30 a.m.


I will share ... though ... that Jim was a full-time student at Pacific Lutheran University, and his first day of fall classes was the next morning.  So, in reality, he did need to get some sleep.  I do believe that he went to class in the morning, after a couple of hours sleep.




#3  When it is time to go to the hospital ... take the most direct route.


For a couple of months prior to Jeremiah's birth (baby #3), Jim was in an "I don't like to take the freeway" mode.  So, I had him promise me that he would take the freeway to the hospital when it was time.  He complied with my request.




#4  Even if Kayla is not in a lot of pain during labor ... stay by her side.  You don't want to miss the birth of your son.


When Carissa & Lindsey were born (babies #4 & 5), the room was FULL of doctors and nurses, "just in case":  My Doc., 2 Baby Docs (1 for each baby), 1 Anesthesiologist (just in case a c-section was needed), and who knows how many nurses.


I have a very high pain tolerance, so it isn't always obvious that I am having contractions.  Jim and all of the docs were looking out the window at something (new construction? the weather?).  My Doc casually walked over to the bed and said, "Let's check you."  When ... all of a sudden ... Little Miss Carissa seriously FELL out of my body.  I guess Lindsey was ready to get out, so she pushed Carissa out first.  Anyway ... since no one was staying by my side, Carissa could have ended up landing on the ground.




#5  When Kayla says, "It's time to go to the hospital."  Do NOT ask, "What's for dinner?"


When Josh (baby #6) was born, Jim really wanted to eat before heading to the hospital, whereas cooking dinner was the last thing on my mind.




#6  Even if Kayla does not make you dinner before going to the hospital, do NOT leave the hospital while she is in labor, to go buy something to eat.  (That's what hospital cafeteria's are for ... and intercom systems, to page you if needed.)


After getting me settled into the Labor & Delivery area (see #5 above), Jim disappeared.  When the nurse checked me and I was dilating quickly and ready to go to the Birthing Room, I told the nurse, "I think I lost my husband."  After paging Jim on the intercom system, he arrived in my room carrying a McDonald's cup.  Seriously?!?!  




#7  Make sure a name is agreed upon before heading to the hospital.  Do not ask the nurses to commiserate with you over your wife's choice of name.


Just kidding ... kind of ...  We had not agreed upon a name for Baby #7.  A friend of mine was my nurse for this delivery, and she agreed with Jim's choice of name.  Of course, I cannot imagine anything besides "Ben" for this awesome young man.  But, it was funny to have my friend "choose" my baby's name.




#8  If dear Kayla chooses to yell unintentionally raises her voice at the nurse, do not be embarrassed (and, even if you are, do not tell her that you are embarrassed by her behavior).


Yes.I.Did.  By Baby #8, you would think that I would be totally calm and collect ... which I was ... until the nurse told me, "Don't push.  You need to wait for the doctor to get here."  Really?!?!  Wait for the doctor?  I think not.  I yelled may have raised my voice a wee bit when I said, "The Baby is coming NOW!"  as Miss Hosanna fell into the nurses arms.


And, when Jim mentioned that he was a bit embarrassed that I had yelled at the nice nurse, I calmly told him, "If someone stuck a football up your bu** and told you to hold it there ... you might yell, as well."  Yes.I.Did.  That is exactly what I told my dear husband.




#9  Help your dear wife prepare for the baby, several weeks before the due date ... as in: buy the car seat, new baby clothes to bring baby home in, etc ...


Well ... this one actually was a bit tricky to plan around, as Baby #9 was due the weekend after we closed on the sale of our home and moved 150 miles away.  I was planning to come back the next weekend and induce the baby.  However ... the move just might have created a bit of stress for Mama, which might have contributed to a bit of high blood pressure.  While Jim and friends loaded the moving van, I popped over to the Dr's Office for my last appt. ... at which Dr. said, "You aren't going anywhere.  We are inducing today or tomorrow."  After getting the dear doc to agree to wait one day, and spending a bit of time at the hospital to monitor the baby, I rushed back to the sold house to tell you.  A friend agreed to drive the #2 moving van (that I was supposed to drive) up to the new house, and another friend agreed to drive both moving van drivers back that night.  I somehow found friends to watch the other 8 children, as I rushed to Wal-Mart to buy all of the aforementioned baby items (car seat, clothes, etc ...).  Jim arrived back from the new house, and we both headed to the hospital early the next morning to induce Josiah.  Then, while I spent 2 days in the hospital with new baby ... Jim and the other kids stayed in the completely empty house (no furniture, no food, no kitchen items ... just sleeping bags and an extra pair of clothes).  Yes.  Josiah's "ride home from the hospital" was a 150 mile ride.


#10  Okay ... Baby #10 ... do you think it was smooth and easy?  Oh. My. No.  


Gregg ... if Kayla is going to be induced, Go To The Hospital With Her.  Do NOT tell her to go by herself and call you when she is actually in labor.  Do NOT go to work an hour away ... on a snowy winter day ... when the hospital will not allow your wife to make a long distance call (without cell phones available).


We were in our new house ... with a new doctor ... with a new hospital.  I had had 5 other inductions, and this new doc and new hospital didn't care at all about my history.  They insisted that I do a "gel" induction on Day #1 and if it didn't work come back on Day #2 for pitocin.  Since gel had never worked for me, we didn't have much hope that we would actually have a baby that day.  And, since Jim really does not like hospitals (due to spending many weeks in a burn unit as a young boy), I agreed that he could go to work that morning.


As I drove myself the 30 minutes to the hospital, from our blueberry farm out in the country, I went into labor.  Yes. I. Did.  I was in full labor by the time I arrived ... with bleeding and complications.  I couldn't call Jim at work.  I had to call the kids at home, to have them call their daddy.  The roads were horrible from the snow storm.  My complications were getting worse.  I was all alone at the hospital.  I finally called a friend to come be with me.  Thankfully, Jim arrived in time to welcome Elijah ... but I would not drive myself to the hospital again, to be induced.




Now ... I am not at ALL making my husband out to be a "bad guy".  Certainly not!  These are all stories that we love to laugh about ... crazy, fun memories of our crazy, fun family.  You know ... probably everyone can come up with one story from their child's birth about something that wasn't done quite right.  We just happen to have 10 stories to go along with our 10 bio. babies.




* * * * *  Someone commented, thinking that my babies must just "fall out" of me because I don't feel them due to an epidural.  Nope.  Every one of my babes was born without any meds (except the pitocin to get things started).  No pain meds at all ... just a very high pain tolerance. * * * * * 




Gregg ... since you are so much like your dear father, I am certain that you will also do so many things RIGHT.  Here are just a few reminders of the RIGHT things to do.


#1.  LOVE your wife ... no matter how she acts during labor (remember what it would feel like to have a football shoved up your bu**).


#2.  Be EXCITED with your wife ... about each and every step of labor and delivery (even all of the false labor, which WILL turn into the "real thing").


#3  Be PATIENT with your wife ... even if Noah decides to take a loooong time to arrive.  (Mama had 10 hours of HARD labor with you, after being induced.)


#4  Let your sweet wife choose the atmosphere of the labor/delivery room ... lights low?  soft music? kick the moms out?  (even if your favorite show is on t.v. or talk radio).




Gregg ... I know you are a WONDERFUL husband, and are going to be an AMAZING daddy.  We are so excited for you and Kayla and Noah ... and ALL that the LORD has planned for your new family.




Do any of you Blog Readers have any great Birth-Day advice for Gregg & Kayla?  We'd love to hear your stories.