Walking in Faith or Foolishness

Faith:  complete trust or confidence 

in someone or something

Foolishness:  lack of good sense 

or judgment; stupidity

This weekend, Jim and I navigated an intense journey of working to determine whether a decision we were making was, in fact, a leap of faith or a serious step towards foolishness.  We absolutely believe that we acted in accordance with God's will.  While we are very well aware that others (including some of you) will shake your heads and say, "Foolish.  Very foolish."  

Now, I am absolutely okay with you telling me that you think we were foolish in this decision making process ... as long as you say it with respect.  It certainly won't be the first time that anyone has told us we were foolish. (a dozen kids ... adoption ... homeschooling ... you get the picture)  We can agree to disagree. As long as we all "play nice", I think it might lead to some good discussion.

Last week, I posted, "Be Still My Mind", telling you about ALL of the STUFF that was weighing heavy on my mind. Some of the heavy STUFF was our current financial situation, Jim's unemployment, my job prospects, etc ...  I asked you to pray, and clearly you all were lifting us up in prayer.

I posted the first post at 12:30 am Wednesday morning. You all prayed. At 3:30 that afternoon I got a text from a friend, telling me that her sister's office had an opening. The job looked "perfect" for me.  Oh my!  I made a quick phone call and had an interview lined up for Thursday afternoon.  I wrote the quick post, "Feeling Your Prayers", and gave you all an update.

The Thursday afternoon interview went well, and I was asked to come in for a few hours of "job shadowing" on Friday morning.  I wrote the post "Hoping For A Neon Light", and asked you to pray that we would hear CLEARLY from the LORD.

Friday morning's job shadowing went really well.  I was offered the job.  I accepted.  

Then ... driving home ... I thought, "What have I done?"  "How can I possibly work outside the home 9-5 every day?"  "How will the kids homeschool when Jim gets a job?"  "How can I do this to my children?"  (After the last few years being so very difficult for all of us, how could I possibly throw another HUGE transition into their lives, when we are on stable ground for the first time in a very long time?) On the flip side, my mind kept telling me, "I need a job."  "We need an income."  "What happens if we run out of money?"

Did you notice that I did not write an update after Friday's job shadow?  I should have been so excited.  I should have wanted to come right home and write a post titled, "I Got The Job!"  But, I wasn't excited.  I was scared to death.  What had I just said, "Yes." to?  I knew that we needed to focus on some serious prayer time over the weekend.

Yes.  I was absolutely wrong in accepting the job.  I should have asked for the weekend to pray about it.  I have apologized.

I prayed.

I hardly slept.

I prayed some more.

I locked my keys in the car twice in one day (read THIS post).

I continued to pray.

I ran errands in The City on Saturday.

I stopped at Taco Time for dinner.

I read the paper while eating.

I was folding the newspaper when I was finished.

I saw a new Classified Ad on the back page.

Seriously?!?!

Yes.  

Another job possibility that was a "Perfect Fit".  However, this job was a "work at home" position with a "flexible schedule".  Really?!?!  And, it was with a local non-profit organization that I am familiar with and on the mailing list of.

I spent Saturday evening re-writing my resume and writing a cover letter, finally hitting "send" on the email submission at 2:00 am.

This morning (Monday), I phoned Job #1 at 9:15 to explain why I couldn't accept their job offer.

Not 5 minutes later, I got a phone call from Job #2 asking if I was available for a phone interview with the husband/wife Executive Directors this afternoon.  Really?!?!  The interview went well.  I have no idea whether or not I will get the job, but this one really does sound like a "Perfect Fit".

Executive Assistant

Flexible Hours

Work From Home

Room For Advancement

While Job #1 was 40 hours per week and Job #2 is only 20 hours per week, Job #2 could pay me nearly double what Job #1 had offered.  (And, I wasn't at all upset by Job #1's offer.  I knew that was what their organization could afford.)

Keep those prayers coming!!!  

I felt really good about the interview, but have no idea how many others they have interviewed.

Now ... back to the Faith or Foolishness ...

Jim and I made the decision that I should NOT accept the other job.  We have absolutely no idea how long it will take to find another job.  We have no idea how we are going to pay our bills.  But ... we know that Mama is NOT supposed to work outside the home from 9-5 every day.

Don't get me wrong ... we see absolutely nothing wrong with working outside the home, it is just not what God has called Our Family to.  God called us to have an extra-large family.  God called us to homeschool.  And, we believe that for right now, God has definitely called me to stay HOME.

Here are a few of the thoughts/questions/ponderings 

that we talked about this weekend:

What had God called Our Family to?

Has that calling changed?

It is easy to "Have Faith for God's Provision" 

with $20,000 in the savings acct.; 

but God still wants us to Trust in Him 

even when our savings acct. is down to $2,500.

Are we trusting in God,

or are we trusting in our savings acct.?

If I turn down the job offer,

we won't be any worse off than we were last week.

(we got a good laugh out of that one.)

On the flip side, we did really wrestle with the questions of ... 

"What if this job IS God's provision for us?"

"What if Job #2 doesn't come through?"

"Why didn't God give us a clear Red Light or Green Light?

We prayed

We talked.

We asked close friends to pray.

We sought counsel from close friends,

and said, "Be honest.  Challenge us."

Yes.  I turned down a job offer after praying and praying 

and praying that the Lord would give Jim (or me?) a job.

Yes.  We know that some of you will think that was 

about the dumbest thing we could do.

Yes.  We realize that our finances could hit "Ground Zero" 

if I don't get Job #2.

No.  We still don't know God's plan.

No.  We didn't get the Neon Light we prayed for.

No.  We didn't win the lottery.

(just thought I'd make you laugh ...

 we'll never win the lottery because we don't play)

Yesterday, our Pastor talked about knowing God's Will.  

He also talked about "hearing the whisper of the Holy Spirit".

We didn't get our Neon Lights this weekend, 

but we definitely heard a whisper from the Holy Spirit.  

We are at Peace.  

We have no doubt that we made the right decision.  

We wrestled this weekend, 

and we believe that we truly heard from the Lord.  

He is our provider.

We will continue to TRUST in Him.

How do YOU determine God's Will 

when it comes to very difficult decisions?