I've got to admit . . . I've been really struggling lately.
While we have walked through one crisis after another for the past 4 years,
the past 21 months of unemployment, temporary jobs,
and unending crisis and conflicts
have taken their toll.
When Jim first became unemployed in January 2011,
our mindset was always,
"WHEN Jim gets a job _____."
In October 2011,
when I sold my car to pay bills, we thought,
"When Jim gets a job, I can get a new (used) car."
As we struggled more and more with Rachel's R.A.D.
this past year, we thought,
"When Jim gets a job, we will have insurance
When Jim and I discover minor medical issues (hopefully minor?), we think,
"When Jim gets a job, we will have insurance,
and we can go to the doctor to get this checked out."
When our Marriage Crisis has put us on a 20 month roller coaster,
I keep thinking,
"When Jim gets a job, we can afford to go to counseling."
But . . . sadly . . . at this point . . . we aren't holding out much hope
for a full-time, permanent, career-type position.
And.
That is a really difficult reality to face.
We are THANKFUL for each and every temporary job that Jim has found.
We are THANKFUL for each and every painting job that the Lord brings.
We are THANKFUL that we have been able to pay our bills for the past 20 months.
Yes. We are Oh. So. THANKFUL.
But . . . at the same time . . . I must admit . . . that we are "Losing Hope".
Will Jim spend the next 20 years going from one temporary job to another?
Will we get to a point that we have to sell our house to pay our bills?
What will we do when our 10 year old car dies?
Will we ever have health insurance again?
I want to "Face Reality".
I want to "Be Content"
Sometimes, though, I find that "Being Content"
means "Losing Our Dreams",
and that is a really hard place to be.
Any tips from those that have been. there. done. that.,
as to how to "Face Reality" and "Be Content"
without "Losing Our Dreams" of a better life?
I'd love to hear your thoughts on this . . .
Oh boy, I really struggle with contentment as well. It is ongoing for me, but my friend recently wrote something that helped me- I don't think she'd mind if I share it with you.
ReplyDelete"I can try as I might but I have found that contentment is not found by realizing that my situation in life is better than someone else'. On the other side of that coin I have found that following God's 10th commandment to not covet when others have it better than me does not create true contentment in my heart either.
I have found that true contentment is mine when I realize that God is enough. When my desire is to know God and love him, somehow I find that the things of this life grow strangely dim in the light of his glory and grace! And I can then say with Paul: I have learned, in whatever state I am, therewith to be content. (Phil. 4:11)"
Contentment can be such a struggle- maybe God wants you to change your dreams for better ones?
Thanks for your blog, I really enjoy it, you are a great example of faithfulness. (:
Hi Friend!
ReplyDeleteI have been avoiding blogs and computer time alot lately. It was fun catching up on all your various goings on.
Wish I had some mind boggling wonderfully healing advise to share, but you have my unending prayers in your journey.
God is working on me and stretching me in ways I am still seeking to understand. And wonder sometimes why my wonderful husband and I are not pulled and stretched in the same ways, but praying we both end up right in line together where God wants us to be. He never said this journey would be easy, the world tells us that. But a stretching journey is much more fulfilling than no journey at all.
I am not sure you will want my input, but here it is - my husband and I have had to work as a team in keeping income coming in and insurance. Do I believe I am my husband's helpmate? Yes, but I also believe God does not want me to put it all on my husband as we are in this together and had the kids together. You have mentioned in the past that you could have had a great job and benefits, well get out there and get it and allow Jim the time to homeschool the kids and do the homefront thing. My husband was the stay at home dad for a time due to how jobs were in our area and the best part of it was his time with the kids - I would never take that from him or them and I happened to have had the job that kept us afloat and most importantly had insurane. With all the needs of your children it seems that insurance is a must and if that means someone takes a job to get insurance, so be it. My belief is that God does expect us to help too, so I am not sure you will post this due to it being what it is, but in this economy you do what you have to do and I am proud that we have weathered unemployment and injuries etc... and managed to keep insurane for our family.
ReplyDeleteI am not sure you will want my input, but here it is - my husband and I have had to work as a team in keeping income coming in and insurance. Do I believe I am my husband's helpmate? Yes, but I also believe God does not want me to put it all on my husband as we are in this together and had the kids together. You have mentioned in the past that you could have had a great job and benefits, well get out there and get it and allow Jim the time to homeschool the kids and do the homefront thing. My husband was the stay at home dad for a time due to how jobs were in our area and the best part of it was his time with the kids - I would never take that from him or them and I happened to have had the job that kept us afloat and most importantly had insurane. With all the needs of your children it seems that insurance is a must and if that means someone takes a job to get insurance, so be it. My belief is that God does expect us to help too, so I am not sure you will post this due to it being what it is, but in this economy you do what you have to do and I am proud that we have weathered unemployment and injuries etc... and managed to keep insurane for our family.
ReplyDeleteI don't have any inspired words. I do appreciate you continuing to share what is on your heart. I know for myself that it is essential for me to have an opportunity to have God 'n me time outside. For me this must be alone and best if in a secluded area outside. It's where my soul can be bared before him. If I don't make that happen my spirit seems to literally start to shrivel. I get where I can't pour out to those around me because I am not filled with God's spirit to where it can overflow on others. For a mom, especially a homeschooling Mama, you need a chance to recharge.
ReplyDeletePraise Jesus that God is providing in His own way. Praise that God is providing jobs through this difficult journey. Praise God that through your own difficult trials you are being a beacon of Light to others. Praise God at your willingness to continue to share your challenges and fears that others do not feel alone in similar circumstances (although probably not all the same challenges you have been facing all at the same time). Praise God that you have friends who are praying alongside you, both in real life and in cyberworld. Praise God for answered prayer along the way (maybe not in the way that was expected, but he's been answering). Praise God for your amazing heart for your children, your dedication to your husband, and your willingness to listen to God's directions. Shine on friend, shine on....
ReplyDelete~Sheri
Yes. We are Praising God in the midst of this journey.
Delete:) :) :)
"sometimes i find that being content, is in giving up your dreams" (loosely paraphrased) *WOW* that is a really profound statement and one i can fully identify with. i (had) dreams. i had my own kind of "visions" of what i thought i wanted my life to look like--- all with a noble purpose, of genuinely desiring to bring God Glory, in the way that i live.... my ALL for Him! what i didn't realize, is that God's design for my life/ my family/ my ideas/ my place in life, look *so* different from what i thought. i don't think one ever plans suffering that lays your on your face before Him. and yet? hmmmmm. i NEED more of Him. I would not trade the intimacy with Jesus for anything in the world, and yet, i tell ya, i would NEVER do it over again or (choose) the trials willingly. and just why is it that suffering is what REFINES us? it is so stinking painful. i suppose the hardest, most terrible pain for a momma, is when that suffering "spills" over, runs down and over your children and family, even when it comes from walking in the very center of His Will. (things like health crisis, and unemployment, and hard adoptions, and relational conflict. sometimes....okay ALOT....life just hurts. the hardest thing for me is having to release this pain to God, as it affects my children.....realizing that God has something in it for THEM TOO. He is making them into what is Beautiful, as well. And one of the most beautiful things about suffering is that it breeds DEEPLY COMPASSIONATE children. (Praise Him!). Keep on keeping on....... Keep the Faith........ we don't need much, and that, not for long--- Heaven is Forever. Love, Tabitha
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for commenting. :)
DeleteYes. We are drawing closer to the Lord . . . learning to trust Him more.
Yes. We are being refined . . . he is burning off the rough edges.
Yes. We are learning compassion . . . and our young children are, as well.
But . . . it surely is hard . . . and it surely isn't fun.
I hope you'll keep commenting. I don't believe I've heard from you before.
Mama D.
i found your link on Oatsvall Team, i think? Our blog is unfortunately private at this point, due to serious adoption woes. A nasty court battle and the biological parent somehow found it/ gained access, and things got worse from there. So for the protection of the baby daughter we have had for 1 1/2 years and are still in process of finalizing, we have to keep a lower profile :( She's worth it! I'm a momma to a half-dozen. so your title intrigued me :) Blessings.
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