"Until We All Come Home"

Have you heard of this book?

It is a POWERFUL story . . .

of adoption . . .

of heartache . . .

of fear . . .

of love for an orphan . . .

of commitment . . .

of perseverance . . .

of patience . . .

of God's hand in the details.

The day before we headed to the Christian Renewal Center for Thanksgiving,

I popped into the Family Bookstore for a minute.

I had a 25% off coupon that was to expire that week,

and I thought it would be fun to have a new book to read on vacation.

I ended up not doing much reading on this trip,

as I was so busy with Family, Friends, & Fellowship,

and Powerful Praise & Prayer.

But . . .

I picked up the book last week and read it in two sittings,

reading late into the night after the kids and Jim were in bed.

I hadn't heard of the book.

Come to find out, 

it was just published in November.

I would encourage anyone to read it.

It is a story that needs to be heard.

A heartbreaking story of orphans.

A story of adoption-gone-bad.

A story of corruption.

Yet,

a story of God's Faithfulness.

The author (the adoptive mother) has a blog.

I hope you will visit "Nourished Hearts".

The book brought up a lot of pain for me.

Pain from our initial adoption process.

Pain from our adoption disruption.

Pain from the adoption community.

Pain from the trauma of the past 5 years.

Because of the trauma that this mom experienced,

she felt as if she lost herself;

she was no longer the person that she used to be.

"The jovial, quick-to-laugh person I had been

was replaced with a serous, suspicious person

who was always on the lookout for a fight.?

I am still struggling with that, as well . . .

not, "on the lookout for a fight",

but wondering what happened to the woman I was.

Seeing rare glimpses of her now and then,

but wondering if I will ever really find her.

Wondering if I will ever trust as I used to trust . . .

. . .  my marriage.

. . .  my family.

. . .  my friends.

Wondering if I will ever feel loved as I used to feel loved.

. . .  by my husband.

. . .  by my children.

. . .  by my friends.

Wondering if I will ever be the confident woman I used to be . . .

. . .  confident in my motherhood.

. . .  confident in my ministry.

. . .  confident in my mission.

Trauma changes people.

(every member of our family has been changed

by the past 5 years of crisis after crisis.)

Yes.  We can learn from it.

Yes.  God can use it.

But, it still changes us.

Interestingly enough . . .

even the title has a lot to do with the trauma in my own life . . .

"Until We All Come Home".

And . . .

I just noticed . . .

each of the things that I initially said about this book . . .

also apply to Our Family's Story, a story . . .

of adoption . . .

of heartache . . .

of fear . . .

of love for an orphan . . .

of commitment . . .

of perseverance . . .

of patience . . .

of God's hand in the details.

Praying for the day that my children will all want to come home.

Praying that God will continue to have His hand in the details.

Praying that the Lord will show me exactly who He wants me to be.