I got a good question from a commenter this week ...
"Curious to know your thoughts on sharing (being real)
personal details
of struggles parenting bio kids
as opposed to being real sharing details
about struggles
with adopted kids. Are both equally legitimate
opportunities
to minister to others going thru similar struggles?"
Great questions! I absolutely believe that parents should "be real" in their challenges with biological children, just as they would in discussing adopted children. It has never even crossed my mind that a parent would differentiate in that way. I read multiple blogs where parents discuss significant challenges that they face with their biological children (downs syndrome, autism, learning disabilities, etc ...).
I have actually written many posts about parenting my biological children. In fact ...
I have written 108 posts on "Parenting".
I have written 29 posts on "Parenting Young Adults".
I have written 46 posts on "Adoption Parenting Challenges".
And, I wrote 29 posts when we were walking through our
"Adoption Disruption Crisis".
I guess I would turn the question around to anyone questioning why I would write about our struggles with adopted children. "Why is it okay for me to write about parenting my biological children, but not okay to be honest about the challenges presented by adoption?"
Currently, only 1 of the 6 children that are still living at home is presenting HUGE challenges. An extreme amount of our parenting energy is put into answering the question, "What do we do about Little Miss?" Therefore, it would be only natural that I would write about such challenges. Not only do I want to minister to others walking the same journey, but I need help, support, and encouragement from them, as well.
Now, some of you did ask some great parenting questions, which I am excited to answer in future posts. I definitely want to address Parenting Challenges, in general, I just don't always know what types of challenges my readers are curious about.
I have a HUGE passion to minister to other Mamas ... moms with biological children ... moms with adopted children ... I certainly don't differentiate. I have some WONDERFUL Bloggy Friends (and Real Life Friends) that are parenting 2, 3, 5, 6, 8, 10 biological children. Even though they may not be able to relate specifically to my blog posts on Parenting a Child with R.A.D., I know that they appreciate my honesty and transparency about Parenting Challenges.
So ... bring on the Parenting Questions / Parenting Challenges. I have in no way intended to downplay the seriousness of challenges that biological children can present.
In fact ... parenting my first child was a CHALLENGE. Oh how I wish that blogs had been invented. (We didn't even have computers, back then.) I would have LOVED to have an online parenting support network. (But, the word "online" hadn't been invented yet.)
Yes ... I have walked through TOUGH stuff with my biological children. (Remember ... I have shared with you this past year the challenges that were presented when my biological son said, "Mom, my girlfriend is pregnant.") Oh.My.Yes. And, it is not that the other 5 children living at home are "perfect". Oh.My.No. It's just that right now ... at this time in our parenting life ... the challenges of R.A.D. overshadow the other challenges we happen to face on a daily basis.
Just to keep things real, I will let you in on some of our Current Parenting Challenges:
#1 How do we build relationships with all of our newly married Big Kids and their spouses (especially since most of them live far, far away?) Adding 4 daughters and sons-in-laws to the family in 14 months brings BIG transitions.
#2 How do we help our 18 year old navigate the transition to adulthood? When to help, when not to help? How do we help him navigate a "best friend" relationship that has become more than "best friends".
#3 How do we help our 15 year old build friendships? Do we allow her to wear makeup yet? How do we encourage and explain how we define "modesty".
#4 How do we help our 13 year old be prepared for the culture shock that Middle School Track Season will bring. How do we help her "catch up" socially, after living most of her life in Africa?
#5 How do we help our almost 12 year old work through his occasional "anger issues"? How do we help him navigate the jump from "little kid" to "almost teen"?
#6 How do we help our ADHD 10 year old focus on his school work? How do we teach him the pitfalls of pride, when he really is good at most things he does?
While all of those are very legitimate questions/concerns/challenges ... they don't bring the heart-breaking, gut-wrenching, hand-wringing, cry-out-to-the-Lord crises that the following questions bring:
How do we help Little Miss heal from years of trauma and abuse?
How do we navigate the world of Reactive Attachment Disorder?
How seriously do we take the threats that Little Miss makes in her anger?
Where should we lock up the kitchen knives?
How can we pay for the intensive Attachment Therapy that Little Miss needs?
How can we protect ourselves and the other children from her rages?
Do we need to install Motion Detectors? Hidden cameras? Locks on all of the Bedroom doors?
How do we prepare Little Miss for an upcoming Psychiatric Evaluation at Children's Hospital?
Will Little Miss be admitted to the Psychiatric Ward?
Will Little Miss need to be institutionalized (as her doctor recently said the outcome might be)?
So ... the BIG picture of our Parenting Challenges right now is that, while having my ADHD 10 year old complete his math assignments is important, it is not the first thing I think to write about when I sit down to write a blog post.
Let me know if any of the 6 Current Parenting Challenges (detailed above) interest you. I'm sure I could write a post or two about those topics, as well.
Keep your Questions and Comments coming. I LOVE the discussions that we have been having.
