I don't talk a lot about RAD any more. With Rachel now living at a Residential Care Facility, we are not dealing with the regular RAGES and such. We are getting used to a quieter house, and less stress. We are so thankful that the LORD provided a safe place for Rachel, a place for her to grow and heal without the daily pressure that she struggled with of Family Attachment.
Last Thursday, however, I seemed to come across blog after blog dealing with the Realities of RAD. So, I thought I would share a few excerpts and links.
The Day My Son Tried To Blow Us Up . . .
For The Second Time
Traumaversaries...are something parents, victims and therapists in the trauma world reference when talking about a day, season, or time of year where someone is more than usually triggered, acting out or even plagued with anxiety attacks or some other odd health phenomena.
.....and when I go back and read last years emails, last years messages...I see a pattern, you know, cuz a mini base ball bat that is stuck in a Furnace and breaks off spokes and makes the rotation go off can create a fire .... happening twice, on the same day, one year apart ... BOOOOM.
I went to my boy.
I promised him before we even had the talk....
*that I already knew and had forgiven him.
* that he would not get in trouble.
* that no one would spank him
* that no one would call the police
*that I still loved him
*that I was not getting rid of him
* that I was going to help him try harder to keep his boundaries
*that it really was going to be O.K.
I said these things while my chest squeezed and panic filled it, because I had a hard time believing my words. Can I help him enough? Is it really going to be OK?
He shared some words that scared the ba-jebbers out of me, true, feeling words.
“I really wanted to blow everyone up, especially you Mamma,." " How can you forgive me for that?”
He cried, tears came out of everywhere. I hugged him.
We both were snot dripping messes when it was all said and done.
He ended with...
“Mom I only sometimes want you dead. But then if your were dead, who would I ask to help me cuz you were dead? I know I told you I don't love you and maybe sometimes that is true, but sometimes it isn't.”
The daily challenges are exhausting. . . . 'Vigilant parenting' is such an understatement as to be completely laughable. OF COURSE we have to be vigilant. If even ONE instance of RAD behavior is let to slip by, it will multiply and grow exponentially.
One of the biggest frustrations we all face, though, is the judgement we get from those around us that don't understand RAD. And let me stop right here and say - if you have done this, don't beat yourself up - everyone does, you are not alone. Heck even >> I << did it to other parents of RAD kids, before we got our kiddos!
It's also TIRING. And often people don't understand just HOW tiring it is, because when they (KINDly) take our kids for us for short periods of time, the kids are angelic! "What could possibly be so hard about parenting these wonderful children?" But the kids save their 'behaviors' for when other people are not around.